Soul Mates, Twin Flames and other Flames… for Evolving Souls.
I have been loved, revered, respected, honored and yet like everyone else, I wanted a life with family and close friends. I keep my friends close to my heart. I enjoy heart to heart relationships. Yet, still what it feels like to be enigmatic not matter how well I can explain my sense of being both human and non-human in spirit has been a constant wound.
Over the last few years, I began to accept that most of what I say is misunderstood. Even though I have been told that women want to understand me. They want to know what I mean. It is a stretch of their imagination that what I say I experience as real seems unreal.
Meanwhile, I am drawn ever more deeper into what seems to be a never never land, realms of beings who are waiting for me to open the portals to the land of the living. And, yet, I feel torn in half between two worlds. And, I try, and try to explain it in so many ways, being so clear, so precise I am slicing through misunderstanding cutting through ice.
To all my friends, divided by following me through the adventure, a journey where we become strangers in a strange land called our homelands, I am breaking every boundary inside of myself to reach across the spectrum of existence. Love itself has strewn pieces of my heart around the world like Osiris waiting for Isis to piece me together.
Those who love my heart and soul will cross the bridge and give me that strength to carry the torch. If you had not, I do not know how I would, how I could bare it. I might waft into the ethers and dissolve into the astral light. Though I am good, I have felt my impending death, another death of who I have been, overwhelmed by who I have become and will later becoming.
It is as if I have stretched my soul across the sky and feel every one and thing at once. It is not the same as dissolving into light where I feel the peace of all is one. This is a stretch of my human heart. Feeling as if there is eternity from within my body sensing all those I love.
What it feels to love so much to be a leader, a visionary, opening to visions of the dreaming world of needed guidance to the light and love and creation. All it means is the power of passion and love driven by a means to an end, coming home.
I did not want to do this alone. I feel like a sacrificial lamb, opening my soul to bare the truth of nature. I am the divine, divining my immortal soul to shatter the barriers of perception. Not alone, never alone but always on this path of deathing my self to rebirth my soul.
I am mostly beyond the physical pain. All the pain is emotional. Attachment to all that has been, all that has never been, all that may be and all that may never be. As powerful as it is to be alive and free to sense and feel through the depths of my soul, I still long for the One.
I have let go, once again to the desire driving me to feel this void. And, yet I cannot alleviate the void. I can merely sense it, accept and acknowledge the existence of a void yet to be fulfilled. Sometimes, I feel the whole of the self, as complete as I can ever be. As my heart expands while I am centered, I feel this need to feel my other half of my soul. Even though I myself may not believe the beliefs others believe, I feel the desire as deep from the core of my soul.
I still feel the desire for the other half of my soul.
J.
The penultimate fear is fear of sharing power. Power can be measured in many ways and means. One person may have more mental power. One may have more emotional power. One may have more physical power. One may have more psychic power. One may have more sexual power. Both partners may actually have equal power in various areas of their selves. No matter who has more or less and even if both are equal in many measures of power, sharing power is an act of surrender of will power.
Much can be said and written about power of individuals. There is no lack of examples in relationship. Nearly any argument will be based on demonstrating power. Even the dating and mating game is an act of maneuvering with power to gain the attraction, confidence and commitment of a potential mate. Merely reminiscing on acts of gaining favor from a potential mate can bring up all kinds of memories whether from one’s own unique memory plus all memories gathered in childhood through to adulthood from all sources. The metaphor “the birds and the bees lecture” about sexual education can conjure up all kinds of animalistic rituals to seduce and gain favor of a mate. However when the mating pair is coupling or has coupled, there will be the ruminations of power plays that are embedded into our hearts, minds, psyche and soul. The surrender to the mate requires safety, security and trust. If one partner surrenders while the other has hidden agendas to control the relationship, there will be significant power struggles. If both cannot surrender, there will be no partnership. If both partners are willing and able to isolate power issues and negotiate total surrender to accept, acknowledge and balance the inequalities and equalities, both partners can gain from the power of the relationship as a partners.
The final solution, whether by legal or oral agreement and contract is marriage. Anyone can make an agreement to marry another given legal age of consent. Yet, Sacred Marriage is one in which both parties are c0-creating the most Sacred of Unions. Intimacy between two parties who are agreeing to share all the layers of their selves from hearts, minds, souls are committed to continually building intimacy no matter the circumstances which can arise from inside their own selves or outside their selves. Fear of commitment arises no matter the circumstances as all fears arise from the mere courting of a potential partner. If one party does not know s/he feels the desire for marriage when entering the relationship, s/he may hesitate. If the other partner knows s/he has entered relationship with the desire to marry yet does not express this to the other party, this may come as surprise. Not everyone is prepared to consider a lifetime commitment. It takes time and energy to get through the stages of getting to know one’s own self not to mention getting to the self of a partner.
Building intimacy also requires two people to discuss the potential outcome of a relationship. Are we building intimacy for eventual marriage? Are we testing intimacy in case we may want marriage? Are we thrown into marriage for reasons we have not chosen? Are we feeling pressured into marriage? What do I need and want? What does s/he need and want? Can we meet our mutual needs? What wants can we live without? What wants are we not willing to sacrifice? Partners need to feel free enough to ask each other probing questions about the meaning of marriage. Both parties can create individual lists of questions as well as be prepared to answer the questions from their partner. Making life easier vs harder makes relationship easier vs harder.
The more we as individuals and couples can create our own unique and not so unique lists of questions about our fears of intimacy in self-reflection and mutual shared reflections creates intimacy vs avoiding, ignoring, blocking intimacy. Troubleshooting one’s own self is a task. But actually two people can make games out of building intimacy and have more fun with each other. Otherwise we can fall in to pitfalls of self-delusions of who we are ourselves and illusions we have intimacy when we are role playing, acting out of scripts from movies we watched as children. The Learning About You Game can become part of the daily, weekly, monthly, yearly ritual. Even when you think you know every thing about your self or partner, there is much more to discover, uncover, examine and enjoy. Life can be an adventure with a partner who loves life and plays by the agreed upon rules both partners establish over the course of time.
Here is Part One and Part Two while this is the third part of a three part series. This series articulates a concise and precise bullet proof bullet point serious of subjects for singles dating with intention to marry and couples heading toward or even within a marriage. This always more to learn from and within one’s partnership. Unmasking, unveiling, revealing our hidden, secret, sacred selves within relationship with a partner is the ultimate intimacy between two persons in love – compassion and passion. May your journey into partnership be blessed and sacred.
Enjoy,
Jedhi
Relationship has two key words- relate and ship. These two terms express that there is more than one party. As much self-reflection we can do as individuals, we have our blinders on protecting our fears of abandonment, rejection, loss and other fears. These fears are held deep within our selves, our psyche, our hearts and souls. Protecting our hearts and souls is natural. All animals are self-protective. No organism survives in the wild without protecting itself in some capacity or another. Some animals have natural camouflage while others hide in the shade, dark places. Others have large teeth or horns or claws. The list goes on. The fact is that as we share our selves, we are going to reach the points where we are in fear of sharing our selves. These layers of self-protection are embedded into our survival mechanism. However, there are all kinds of memory patterns and traumas stored in our hearts, minds and soul. Understanding our emotional responses requires self-reflection on our own memories and isolating our memory patterns.
Our memory patterns can cause us to react to situations which we feel as emotionally charged while others in the same position are not emotionally charged. Two people in a couple can have two separate and unique emotional responses to the same stimulus. The stimulus can be as simple as the smell or taste of a food, sense of touch, hearing certain sounds, seeing various colors or environmental scenery. The list goes on in countless sensory experiences of perceiving the world from both inside and outside our selves. These layers can be triggered in both positive and negative ways and means such as watching a movie and having an emotional response of anger, fear, sadness or laughing. One partner may be crying while one is laughing watching the same scenes of a film at a cinema theater. Creating safety and security includes allowing a partner to ask about questions in order to create intimacy to understand the similarities and differences of perception between partners. We cannot assume we know why our partner cries or laughs when we laugh or cry at the same scene we both are watching. The list of examples can on and on. Every time we are sharing our experiences of emotion is an opportunity to examine our own selves as well as learn more from our partners about their selves and communicate and build trust and intimacy.
Sometimes our previous experiences of feeling pain about love creates an illusion that love is the cause of pain. This illusion can become embedded due to various experiences from childhood onto adulthood. Some people have early childhood trauma which never leaves them. Some people have trauma later in life. There are infinite experiences of pain we can accumulate over the course of our lives. Our love lives also can accumulate painful traumas. It does not matter the actual memory if it is remembered as being attached to pain. Pain can be mental, emotional, psychic, physical, and also sexual. We cannot assume any one person’s pain is less than or greater than another person’s pain. The pain a person holds may be entirely unique and unexplainable to others. Yet, in a one to one relationship, emotions surface and whether we can pin point the cause of the emotions, we must learn to handle our emotions. The fact of this matter is that love opens us to feelings which triggers our emotions whether we understand our own selves or not. All we can do is allow our self and partner the freedom to express emotions without criticism and judgment. This is a point of mystery and unity. A partnership is based on partnering as a team effort. If we do not know, we need to agree to accept and acknowledge that we do not always need to know. At least as emotions surface, as long as we are safe and secure, we can build trust based on the team effort in co-creating trust.
Needless to say that some people have sexual trauma and have natural fear of sex. Yet, people who have no sexual trauma may also have fear of sex. It seems that they are merely afraid for no reason. Ultimately, sex is intimacy which renders partners vulnerable. Creating safety, security, trust are keys to breaking through fears of being vulnerable. Some people can have sex and not express emotions. Sex may be the key for those people to actually open to becoming more vulnerable to finally discuss their other fears verbally. If one partner expresses intimacy through sex while the other does not, a lot of talking is needed to create communication between the partners. If both partners are oriented towards sex a means of intimacy, they both will need to create safety, and security and trust from their sexual relation and build toward other forms of communication.
In some ways, this is much like romancing each other as they may need to express affection through ritualistic ways and means much like animals. If both partners are afraid of sex, both must learn to communicate by allowing each other to express emotions and co-create a ways and means of learning how to accept and acknowledge their own individual emotions as well as expressing their emotions freely with the partner. There is an endless list of reasons for one partner or both partners to feel fear of sex and both partners need to discuss the ways and means of researching, examining and sharing resources from sources of information to unlock their sexual emotional desires to handle their intimacy through sex.
Part One and Part Three are here while this is the second part of a three part series. There is more than enough to ponder upon between the issues of love and sex. Some people believe that love must come first. Some people believe that sex must come first. For certain, two people entering a relationship need to discuss their views on love and sex as well as the rules of engagement. There is plenty of resources both in print, film and internet media to discover more and more fun and exciting issues about love and sex which can be shared with one’s partner.
Enjoy,
Jedhi
“If I hadn’t learned from you about my ex from 30 years ago, I wouldn’t have tried again. Now I’ve wasted 30 years because there was no one to explain or guide. So many on the sites are broken and distraught because they don’t get where they are at and feel they have lost everything.” ~ Jed Heart anonymous member
Sacred Union Marriage Issues Checklist is a bullet proof bullet point list for troubleshooting intimacy issues in a partnership-any partnership between two consenting adults. If and when two consenting adults decide together to play out fantasies within the context of their intimacy, that is not covered here. Fantasy that is covered come from various sources including children’s fairy tales and other stories, television shows and movies, theater films and plays as well many other countless media sources. Role playing does not create emotional intimacy. Instead, role playing creates limits on individuals who have feelings and emotions. Creating a checklist of role playing characters each partner idolizes and seeks to act out as a means of acting romantic will open intimacy further. If and when both partners can communicate to each other about their internalized fantasies intimacy is able to seep through the role play characters and the real intimacy begins.
Beyond role playing, shedding off the layers of ideals is quite an amazing feat. There will be many layers of ideals that we can discover when we allow our partner to express what s/he feels, sees, hears as feedback. Ideals are very difficult to discern. We need to be able and willing to feel sacred, safe and secure to trust our partner to express our feelings and emotions freely. Our partner is more likely than not to point out our ideals as we tend to act and react emotionally in our relationship. Good starting points is writing a checklist of all the ways we say, “should”, “would”, “could”. It helps us in relationship if we can make troubleshooting intimacy as a game vs a means of being right vs wrong.
Mentioning right vs wrong, the need to be right is a sure sign of perfectionism. Yet, there are also many ways a person can demonstrate perfectionism. A checklist of needs vs wants can aid in troubleshooting perfectionist ideals. The exercise of feeling safe and secure enough to allow our partner to feel free to open her/his mind to associate layers of what s/he feels, thinks about what s/he expects to be perfect is ultra intimacy. This layer of expectation may be a very sensitive intimacy source of irritating agitating needs to feel loved. Consider a partner may have been expected to act towards others in certain ways as well as act to expect others to treat him/her in certain ways. Every person has unique expectations built from birth and childhood throughout adult relationships in all areas of life-family, school, work, religion, social, and other previous partners.
This article is part one of a three part series. At this point, it is enough to ponder fears of accepting and acknowledging our attractions and emotional responses to potential mates. Denial of our emotions can lead us to avoid, ignore and otherwise sabotage building intimacy at any point in a mutual attraction from before it manifests as a visible relationship or at any time between meeting to actually communicating, dating and oven well beyond into a marriage. Emotional hiding may occur at any time fear rears its head. Pondering fear will bring up enough memories of all ways and means we have felt embarrassed, humiliated, maybe even merely humbled. Shying away from sharing our feelings and opening our awareness to our emotions takes skill in self-flection and communication with others. Learning how to feel safety and security in order to feel we can trust others is not easy nor simple. It merely sounds good. In practice, it takes both courage and bravery to lose self-reflective self-consciousness and express our inner most hidden feelings and emotions with a potential partner or partner. Denial of emotions which are painful can cause all sorts of trust issues.
This is a point where Positive Thinking does not do the trick. It is self-examination, ruthless digging into the dungeons of our most hidden emotional laden memories which is the key to reveal our selves to our own selves and then to a partner. Sometimes, the potential partner or partner sees, hears and knows us better than we imagine as they are viewing our actions and reactions from the outside. It can obvious that we are denying our feelings and emotions. Of course that is in itself pain to become aware that we may not be able to hide from a potential mate. Yet, learning to accept and acknowledge our feelings and emotions even while we feel vulnerable is enough to break through our emotional patterns of hiding and denial. There is much to be pondered for one’s self and partner. A partnership will stall or a break up may occur if emotional withholding becomes habitual. If one party is not certain s/he can accept and acknowledge both parties are in relationship, whether discussed or not, it is time to create a list of questions starting with this one, “How do you feel about me and you?” or, “Are you thinking and feeling that we are heading into a relationship?” or, “Are we in a relationship?” A relationship may be happening or not happening depending on the intimacy both parties are able and willing to discuss about their definitions of relationship. No one needs or wants to feel s/he is off guard and in a relationship s/he has not agreed to enter as a partner. Sometimes, one or both parties merely need a check in to discuss their relationship basis and define their feelings and emotions more than they previously discussed. At some point, a relationship exists for both or it does not. And, this must be agreed upon by both consenting adults to accept and acknowledge that they are both in partnership in the relationship.
To be continued… Part Two, Part Three
Enjoy,
Jedhi
“Mindfulness teaches us the nature of the shadow. Heartfulness teaches us the nature of the light. Without these qualities in balance, we will evolve either eyeless in the darkness or blinded by the light. Unable in either case to perceive the subtle idiosyncrasies of mind or motion in the shimmering blur of our eagerness for more and our longing not to suffer. But to see straight ahead, one needs to embrace the shadow with the light. To put our world-weary and self-interested head on the shoulder of the divine, our suffering dissolving in tears as we embrace and are embraced by the Beloved. Light is self existent, shadow an interruption of the light by something seemingly solid. Investigating the seeming solidity of things, the shadow too dissolves, melts at the edge and disperses, disappearing into the present heart.”
Levine, Stephen. Embracing the Beloved: Relationship as a Path of Awakening (pp. 22-23). Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group.
I am not nor do not advocate Buddhism or any other organized form of Philosophy or Religion. However, I have appreciated the Levines since the 1990s. They have lived a life of love and shared their trials and tribulations as well as gleaning the essence of being available to true love from their hearts with each other and in their Death and Dying workshops.
I became interested in their work as leaders in the field of Awareness and Awakening Heart, Body and Mind with their tape cassette series To Love and Be Loved: The Difficult Yoga of Love* when they presented that series to the world. I went out and bought the same tape series for family and very close friends. I felt this authentic presentation of the nitty gritty intimacy from within their relationship was both professional and heart touching. I can admit that their recordings of their workshop on the Yoga of Love touched my heart forever. I have always been an advocate of their work in the field of relationships. My only caveat about the Levines is that I do not agree with their definition of Lucid Dreaming. For a more precise definition and experiential instruction, I advocate The Travel Guide to the Other Side for Gatekeepers of Death and Rebirth, Jodell Bumatay.
The Endless Heart – Relationship as Spiritual Healing (part 1)
1. Introduction
- 2. Relationship with Self
- 3. Dying Into Life
- 4. The Importance of Daily Practice
- 5. Ham & Eggs: Service Starts at Home
- 6. Forgiveness in Family Relationships
- 7. Grief and Unfinished Business
- 8. Opening the Heart
- 9. Learning to Love
The Endless Heart – Relationship as Spiritual Healing (part 2)
1. Take Tea With Fear
- 2. The Vessal is Already Broken
- 3. Precious Collaboration
- 4. Save The Box
- 5. Forgiveness Meditation
- 6. Allowing Forgiveness to Unfold
The Endless Heart – Relationship as Spiritual Healing (part 3)
1. Brahmachari and Monogamy
- 2. Short Term Contracts
- 3. Wedding Vows
- 4. Q&A – Forgiveness
- 5. Q&A – Parenting
- 6. Ending Poetry
*Description of the original To Love and Beloved audio series from Sounds True, Co. at Amazon:
Twenty years ago, two spiritual seekers met at a workshop about conscious dying. What happened next is the extraordinary foundation for To Love and Be Loved – a life-changing program about what it means to be alive and in love. Together ever since that first day, Stephen and Ondrea Levine poured all of the wisdom, compassion, and courage they gained from their work with the suffering and grief stricken into the mystery of their own relationship. The result is a beautiful, unexpected unfolding, a teaching that transcends the anguish of existence to show us the way to God – through the darkest nights of our most intimate relationships.
In the rich and forbidding depths of our personal pain, the Levines teach, lies the essence of intimacy, not only with one another but with God. This is why true commitment requires us to “swim across the reservoir of each other’s grief”. Stephen and Ondrea lead you beyond psychological explanations and show how couples together can immerse themselves in the “ocean of compassion” – where you will discover how to face and overcome the fear that closes your heart and replace it with mercy: the key to creativity, freedom, and love.
Through honest, real-life sharing, To Love and Be Loved teaches you how to discover the greatest gift you can ever have: forgiveness – for yourself and your lover.
The Difficult Yoga of Relationship
Why are so few yogis and mystics committed to human partners? The Levines suggest that it’s because they haven’t recognized the profound value of so high a practice as the difficult yoga of partnership. Our intimate relationships, they teach, actually contain complete blueprints for spiritual realization. With exercises, meditations, and examples, they demonstrate how to decipher and use this priceless map. To Love and Be Loved brings you the crowning insights from these pioneering teachers.
A Tribute to Stephen Levine: 1937-2016
I am do not feel the Wanting, Needing and Heart Pain. I had throat and heart pain this past week due to feeling the Pain of Separation. I have been in my Grieving Process. I was the one who brought up that We had to release the Intensity of Wanting and Needing of Merging. I had no intention of breaking up and separating. However, that is the outcome. I had felt that we needed to focus on our own home base to prepare for meeting. Living a world apart, I have to coordinate my income and living conditions to handle travel. I needed time and space to prepare my environment for change. She needed time and space to create the environment where she lives. It seemed to be too much as it was a constant anxiety not at all helped by the distance between our worlds. Every fear and doubt came up. I was typically opening and sharing as much as mine as possible so that there would be no hidden emotional signaling. That was also overstimulating and overwhelming for emotionally. She was not telling me her own issues. That was causing me fear that she had fear of intimacy and that I was going to arrive and trigger her to emotionally withdraw which could and most likely trigger me to emotionally withdraw. We had our first argument in March. We went through some days of breakup. Then we broke through the emotional barriers and opened up to vulnerability. That deepened our senses of commitment. I felt that we had crossed through to trust each other.
However, vulnerability was waxing and waning. Finally, the us Pull was creating a sense of distancing. And, the more I tried to point this in varieties of ways, including sharing deep core memories and belief systems which were breaking, the more she could not understand that I was sharing my Pain of Separation. Instead. Her reaction was to tidy up my messy emotions by telling me that I was Fighting Yourself (Myself). I had pointed out that she was also doing the same by trying to tell me that I am doing something wrong. We both did that actually, the pointing out what the other was doing to argue. So, we were pointing out what was causing us to argue and that became a cycle we were not able break, Merely, we could not just accept that we were seeing the same things and different things and not able to let it go. We were rotating around the Need to Be Heard. Both of felt this Need to Be Heard equally. Yet that Need to Be Heard is an issue that we both needed to release within our own selves. We both know, have regularly discussed that we both feel the same. That we both are sharing the same emotions and intentions. This Need to Be Heard is intense. It creates this Sense of Division which is actually and illusion. Even though she said I am Fighting Myself, and I was arguing with her explaining I am Vulnerable and In Fear of Losing Myself Within Her I know that she was right. Yet, she was not at all sharing her sense of Needing Space and Time as I was telling her she needed. She was denying that she Needed Space and Time for Freedom to do things without Needing and Wanting constant Merging into Union. And, when she broke with me, she told me she Needed Freedom… what I had been telling her for weeks but not intending to break up. So, that is the crux of the Union. I feel that the real issues are of Emotional Release of Old Emotional Blocking and Emotional Withdraw Patterns for both of US. Not just Me: Not just Her.
I am working on doing things that need to be done, complete projects, start projects which will be ongoing and accomplish some goals. Some things are super simple as cleaning and clearing areas of my house to prepare for me to be able to travel. Some are complex like redesigning my website after it crashed some years back. Of course, there are many tasks to do to keep my self completely busy. I could not do a lot of these when we were Needing and Wanting to be Together daily. The Daily Vortex of Needing and Wanting was driving us into obsessive and possessive behaviors. I had stopped quite a lot of social interaction. I have had to reset my daily routines to focus on my home base with intention to continue to be open for meeting all the changes I have worked toward to handle being away from home base and starting a new home base. The concept was that my home would by our second home base. And, we could travel when we were ready to handle that level of spiritual work in the world together.
For me, being ultra sensitive, I am often precognitive, seeing ahead and hearing voices giving me warnings and heads up. I say voices because I hear male and female voices. These are not the same voices. They are different. They have different messages. Some messages are not at all for me but for other people This is an issue that makes knowing what to do a challenge. I can hear a voice that is not so pleasant but a plea for help. Precognitive Dreams and Visions are troublesome to the One. She feels that she needs to make her own decisions. Me telling her a dream, she could not and would not accept that I was seeing and experiencing anything was real. She told me I am projecting. She is not like that. She would never do that. That was our first fight. I was furious. It takes a lifetime to continually test precognition against reality. I cannot have my own partner telling me I do not know what I am perceiving. That is like telling me that I do not know myself. I was adamant that is dangerous to my health and well being. At the Core Soul issue, I have experienced being Burned as a Witch. I had brought this up several times as I had felt called to travel to United Kingdom over 15 years ago. However, the Astral Dead are layers of Beings I can See, Hear and Feel. 
That experience is overloading to my body, mind, heart, nervous system. I knew for years that I would travel to United Kingdom but needed to feel safe and secure with the friends around me. I could not feel safe and secure with her if she is telling me that I am Projecting. I would never say that to her. I know that would undermine her own sense of self. Now, she feels that I am Burning Her at the Stake because I have been so open to share my feelings and emotions and presently, we are having a non-agreement.
We are Separate because she feels she cannot handle argument and fighting. I feel that we need to learn to handle each other’s Emotions and Emotional Responses. And, if that means there is an Emotional Drama, so be it. I am all for Emotional Release and Group Processing to support the shifts and changes we both need to heal. Neither of Us can actually be in a relationship with anyone given the Core Emotional and Soul issues we are processing. So, I am not feeling fear and doubt. I know We must both work through what We both triggered. With all the various drama, I am fine. I feel it is all a matter of processing and learning how to handle emotions in our relationship. I say Union. I am committed to Ultimate Union.
I have been meditating on releasing, all of my own ideals of perfection within my being which create an emotional psychic push pull so that I can actually experience feeling vulnerable of feeling open and emotionally sensory available in order to flow with you freely to release the push pull. I have been working on deep core unconditional love for you so that you have total freedom.
I have felt heart pain and directly have been shifting and changing around release of attachment to my own fears of abandonment, loss and rejection from the Beloved. I am aligning with my Beloved yet I have also been flailing and struggling through this process of expanding my heart in awareness that we both actually need unconditional love to grow emotionally, psychically, spiritually and freely. This psychic emotional process opened me to greater acceptance of my deep core emotions and psychic experiences in order to share expressions which from the Point of Light view are Primal Urges, Deep Core Desires from the depths of my Soul. These Primal Urges giving rise to Deep Needs, Deep Desires, Burning Desire to Co-Create and Destroy Self towards a Combustive Unity. The Desire so Deeply within the Soul to Burn through Separation from Source as Beloved.
I have been breaking out of the deep core expectations of my own obsessive and possessive needs which have been touched by the Beloved.
I understand exactly what you mean, have been feeling everything you are saying and been shifting in all ways to grow with you. Even to the point that I also love you regardless. I am not going to throw you to the wolves. I love you beyond that response. I have reached deeper levels of unconditional love for you.
The love we have opened to desire created a constancy of needs to be fulfilled. I opened to breaking through this need to accept a more pure love. As you were shifting and changing I opened to release my emotional possessive desires to need and want you to be with me obsessively to allowing my heart to love you while releasing the pain of fear that your freedom to be who, what, where, when, why you are is and does not reflect your love for me at any point in time and space.
I have been meditating in Light, opening my Heart to Purer States of Light because we both are on accepting our Light as a Path to Ultimate Freedom and that also includes a Spiritual Intimacy which although you may wish to release me, in the All Is One, we are both aware of our Soul Beings in Light.
As such, I have been meditating on that Pure Love from Light which neither of us controls.
I have also been meditating on our friendship. We bypassed that. And that is actually necessary as we both have too much to share and learn from each other as souls.
Before, I was throwing you away like a lover who had no real use. And, I was reacting. I actually always work to deepen all of my relations except when someone has need to abuse and use me. I opened up to accept that and release it, a few weeks ago. I can and do grow emotionally. Meditating on friendship past few weeks, seeing we both need that spiritual friendship as well as human friendship to open to being whole and complete as humans having spiritual experience.
This is that dual life I used to live. My Romantic life and Spiritual life was in duality.
I know we both have lived this duality. Both of us divided our focus in relationships wherein we had our personal relationship issues and our personal psychic and spiritual issues. This duality created such a divide that no matter how much love we give we are never received. And, I felt we both were working through this core soul wounding of separation and division toward a sense of complete unity.
I know we both have lived this duality. Both of us divided our focus in relationships wherein we had our personal relationship issues and our personal psychic and spiritual issues. This duality created such a divide that no matter how much love we give we are never received. And, I felt we both were working through this core soul wounding of separation and division toward a sense of complete unity.
My graduation dream within past few weeks:
I graduated from Desire Realm Love to entirely Pure Love.
I realized Perfectionism to Perfect Love and Devotion beyond Idealism. I feel as free to feel Live and Love without limitation, no need for expectation, validation, permission to experience Being Love and Loved.
Notes: The Finally Touch to the Seven Modes of Relationship: Love and Beloved
My evolution from being a private person–dreaming with my spirit guides to being a public person dreaming with people around the world has been one of intense inner growth. My fear that I could not find a partner given that I can dream with people around the world has been a real one. My astral being is more than I am as a person. I can only merely communicate as a human whereas my astral being can travel through space and time, from past to present to future in no order whatsoever other than what is presented as necessary for learning and healing. I literally have been afraid that no partner could handle the visceral sensitivity I require to be in an intimate relationship. I had been withholding my feelings and emotions based on my past experiences.
All of last year, I was battling with myself to allow myself to feel my feelings and express my emotions. I have written all about that. However, it is a real situation. My partner has to be on board with being able to feel and emote. I cannot do that alone in a two-way relationship. Not only that, but my partner also has to grow beyond her own fears of being aware that she is also an astral being who can also be present in space, time, past, present and future in no order other than her own soul ordains necessary. That is a tall order. Albeit, I made the request for that order to my Luminous Light Being.
So, what kind of things are going on that I am feeling I need to express now? Talking about being a Spirit Guide while one is alive is not actually been easy to do. We have had all kinds of labels for people who can astral travel and heal and teach others in the astral. However, in 2003, I was shown that my Luminous Light Being is a Spirit Guide and that I am that being in the Light. This self-realization falls flat on the ears of atheists, and squelches of ears of theists. Even those who are Buddhists are skeptical, criticial and judgemental. However, that only leaves Yogis. Yoga has been usurped by athletes. But the real Yoga means Union as in Union with Source or God. And, authentic Yogis become Spirit Guides in the Flesh. That is what Yogis do.
I have not discussed any particular belief system because no belief gets you beyond the Mind. God Realization is an Ultimate State of Being. For all intent purposes, being Self-Realized has all the heartache of Non-Self-Realized. The real test of Union with Source is Facing Opposition. Love of Other as Self is the Goal. And there is a real problem with people who do not feel that once one begins this path s/he can have a partner. That is why I began Jed Heart. Yes, we can have Union with Source and with Partner.
To be in Partnership with a Twin Flame means we are working on the same Soul Issues that divide All of Us from Source. I mean, the Twin Flame Partner has worked through most of their Soul Lessons and the remaining ones are Shared with the Twin Flame. Those remaining Soul Lessons may be the hardest lessons. That is often why the Twin Flame relationship is the hardest one to yield and let go of our power issues. I am no different in that respect. I have enjoyed astral travel from young childhood. Being able to willingly handle my own astral experiences and learn and grow has been a life time of adventure. Sharing that adventure has been a blessing. But sharing my power, that has yet to occur at the level of Twin Flame Partnership. I have equally feared it and desired sharing power. However, I know that is going on.
I have to have a great sense of humor to be able to handle my own inner battles over power. I have a great sense of humor. And, some days, I am perfectly happy to not share my power. On other days, I would love to share my power. It is not about myself though. It is about the evolution of my Soul. And, my Soul does not accept my human excuses. As embarrassing as that is true, it is true. If I do not comply with my Luminous Light Being, I will dream all kinds of alternate realities. I will be shown what is wrong with my thinking and I will have to adjust my self. It is as simple as that. It can be quite embarrasing that I know that not just my own Light Being does this but that all Light Beings have this same awareness of each other. That is the real blessing in disguise. In the Light, we are transparent, we cannot hide.
And, so that is an incentive to keep releasing all kinds of internal excuses and denial about sharing power. Withholding my power withholds sharing on a planetary level. And, that is not funny. Our planet needs all of the Light Beings present and available to teach, heal, and pass on our knowledge of accessing the Light for generations to come. This Twin Flame movement is about that: bringing Powerful Souls into Union to Save Our Planet. That is the bottom line. So, there, I said it, it is a battle between self and Self- litle self and Greater Self in the World. Choosing Your Mate is Greater than You and Your Mate. It is about Being the Best You, the Best Both of You.
Jedhi
I learned to meditate by tuning into all the senses of my body. So, I do not do chakra system meditation. I focos on every sensation and pay attention to any feeling and emotion arising.
From there, I can tune in with My inner ears and eyes. In 1995, I made a break through. I was focusing on fear I my heart. I was considering breaking up with the little did I know then would be a major love if my.life. I told her what I was considering and she asked me to think about it. So, I was meditating on my Heart. Next, I found my self as a pointing awareness. That part was not new.
The new part was seeing an electrical webbing of Gold fibers of Light. The question I had asked for my meditation was this: “What am I afraid of?” I knew I was inside of my Heart. I hovered inside my Golden Plasmic Heart. I felt Joy.
By the end of our relationship when she ran and hid in fear, not ever actually breaking uo with me but just dropping off the map, I experienced us as Gold Plasma Light Beings, merging up to the waist. I woke out of that in intense soul pain.
It should be no wonder that when I recant the depth of Heart, Soul, and Light Beings, I am having spiritual experiences which are painful as well as ecstatic. It should be no wonder that I am single as of yet. My experiences of being a human are not for the faint of heart. No former partner would disagree.
All of my relationships are bound in soul connection. After reading the Seven Levels of Intimacy again, I realize that although my relationships are always spiritual and soul based, I have been evolving to release Wants vs Needs.
Each relationship, my Wants were less as I have up unnecessary ideals, goals, earthly possessions. As I let go of Wants, I was pitted against Needs. In my case, I have to give up ideals of Capitolism from which I was raised. I realized early that earthly possessions weighed me down, usurped energy.
I left the Grid and went Off Grid. That challenged each partner. As I opened my realizations to partners who explored living Off Grid with me. So, much of my relationships have been a mutual exploration of letting go of the Modern World Wants and shifting to the Old World Needs.
Living on the Edge of Worlds, World Values, I emphasized my Dreams and Astral Experiences. I allowed my self to feel guided. Partners were also on board until hitting their Edge of Perceptual expansion. That left me continuing my own process on my own. My entire adult life of relationship has been an Evolutionary Soul Process. I have had discussions about Soul Evolution with former partners. I had gauged my Soul Growth with Soul Matesans Soul Flames through deep discussions comparing and contrasting our individual growth.
I leave no pain orders unexamined. After self-reflection, becoming aware of my own feelings and emotions, I open my self to communicate about my discoveries. Fortunately, I began in my first relationship. Over time, I have learned a tremendous amount about Self and Other.
There is less guess work about and from within relationship. Yet I have been adjusting to the bare essence, the bare essential truth of being aware and responsible to communicate clearly and not so clearly is a full on sense of being authentic and real. There is no hiding behind an Open Heart.
I had to understand what it would feel like to open my Heart all the time without fear of people outside of my relationship crossing boundaries, creating tension, criticising, judging, making intimacy difficult to manage from within a relationship. Last year, I opened my Heart Light to share with the World. I realized that my Twin Flame and I are on the path of Sharing vs Covering our Heart Light.
I have learned a great deal over the past year. Light coming through me magnetized and catalyzed various people. I was handling a lot of processing with others. Then I got to a standstill of realization, I needed to focus manifesting my Twin Flame relationship. I accomplished core healing issues with several people and groups. This process opened me to understand the emotional impact my spiritual work has on others outside one on one relationship as well as holding boundaries again and again. Opening my Heart Light, I opened vulnerable soul connections with richer depth of experience.
I have discussed being extra-sensitive yet I always need to emphasize the sensory experience as visceral. In order to open to more sensory experience, I had to heal the fear of feeling pain of others. To be understood, I repeat the fact that my experiences of feeling other people’s trauma has been palpable and real for me. Experiences of other people’s traumatic memories has been daunting. I have had to face fear in so many variations exhaustive to my physical body. Because of that, I require a partner who is aware of and holds space and time for my internal shifts from self awareness to other. Meanwhile, I have only wanted to experience my self with a partner. Being psychic has been a challenge. My Twin Flame is My Ultimate Challenge. No one can handle being One on One Psychic and Not Feel the Light from Within without Intention, Focus and Heart.
Admittedly, I did not believe anyone could keep up with me as a Human opening to My Light Being. My first first hurdle to have faith in another Human can handle processing the Light with me as a Soul. The second was to release all of my fear of being manipulative and manipulated because of my vulnerability was a challenge to my Power. Those were no small feats. I had to open my Heart and submerge into depths of my life experiences of fear. I had to open every crevice hiding in my Heart. That was painfilled. Those releases fleshed out my fear of Being Loved. I had to open to my Core Soul Needs. That opened me to realize I had to let go of the Fear of Being Loved, Heard, Seen, Felt as feel my own self. I am so sensitive and I can only expect a partner to be so sensitive. Else, I have no interest.
And, my sensitivity spectrum had to match my behavior. I had outgrow my thought patterns coupled with my memory emotional patterns to shift and change so my Outer Self Reflects my Inner Self. Also, that was no party. Well, it was a big party. I invited past partners and other friends to process all these issues with me. Meanwhile, I made my Heart available to their processes. So, yes I did have an International Intimacy Processing Party for a year. I was leaving no stone unturned.
Although, as Queen sings, “The show must go on…”: I am now Avaialable for my Twin Flame relationship.
I have never been so clear, felt so heart free (at least since opening to adult relationship), and all my ducks are in a row. It only took me 30 years since being a teenager. But not everyone is challenged with memories of other people’s pasts and futures. Understanding my self was no walk in the park. I am not even mentioning all the variations of space and time altered realities I had to sort through to find my self. All in all, I figured how I handle my reality.
All of my own experience and gleaning understanding, I plan on being present and available to and my Partner. It is a whole new relationship reality which I feel is worth sharing and learning from being available to feeling bonded in a more focused sense of serving with other. I have been working towards releasing intense anxiety which comes from fearing loss of self, of goals, of being able to track emotions and learn to allow them overly emerge.
The whole Twin Flame relationship requires such deep core awareness of self, of other and of being aware of each other. It is like Being inside a Hall of Mirrors. Yet, although no one is looking, everyone wants and needs to know. It is like Being a teenager again. Family and friends being are attentive to observe meanwhile you are vying for privacy. Yielding to privacy yet opening to process openly allowed the ultimate reward releasing my hardest to release internal fears of being heard and seen, being transparent. As self-absorbed as I felt, there is no regret but gratitude.
My Heart Light Mediations opened me to be able to express Love, Fear and without fear of abandonment, rejection, loss, criticism, judgement, and various other emotional attachment.
I used to be very cautious in sharing feelings. I stopped crying at age 5 years old. I opened to crying after my first relationship ended and learned to cry with partner at age 26 years old. So, the last year and a half has been a marathon, a decathalon, race to the finish line-none too slow. And, I made it a year and a half before my fiftieth birthday. What can I do now? Oh, yeah, I can still have an authentic Heart to Heart relationship with friends and loved ones.
Okay, “I am ready and willing whenever your are ready and willing”, I say to my Other Half.
Namaste,
Jedi