Soul Mates, Twin Flames and other Flames… for Evolving Souls.
This thing that you call “stalking” does not unnerve me. Fact is that I am aware of you being aware of me and that is normal for me. Time, space, nothing is an obstacle in my state of awareness. The “obsession” you referred to as my “belief” hit a core soul wound for me. I have always been addicted to my own death. I have always preferred being in the astral, out of body, tempting fate, experiencing death. Every partner has been challenged by my desire to demonstrate that I am Immortal. I was born onto the path. I have recalled, relived many past lives, many past deaths, tortures–being sacrificed, burned at the stakes, hung. As well as I have recalled my self as warrior-raping and slaying, having many wives. I had to go though Life Reviews, be given the Summary of my Lifetimes, given my Life Purpose and reason to live.
Always, traveling outside my body, accessing the Light, I had to face the facts. I was not going to be allowed to die. Meanwhile, one of my beloved soul mates was allowed to leap to her death, leaving me to feel misunderstood, forcing me to teach and become a Spiritual Teacher. My friends love me. My family loves me. I am well loved and have always been. Yes, girlfriends have hurt me, tried to even kill me-things like trying to run me over on the street. Same girlfriends, have loved me more than they could handle. It is painful to have soul memories which cause one to feel the need to obliterate the source of pain. I blocked one of my Xes a day ago. She went to my mother to ask me on her behalf me to unblock her. I was hurt that she has a guru she respects more than me as we went through astral realms together and I was pissed off that she does not get our soul relationship is more sacred than some guru. We have not even been partners for over twelve years, and I adore her partner as a very sweet hearted woman and soul. I was still hurt that she did not get that our soul relationship is sacred. I am not possessive but I do in fact, one of my traits, keep track of all the souls in my soul group, my soul family-dead and alive.
Beginning of May, I asked the Light to understand who you are as a soul to mine. I was shown a past life in Egypt. It dawned on me then that we could trigger each other from the core of our Light Beings. Either one of us could either consciously or unconsciously trigger each other. And, that it would be ultimately healing. Days later, I was shown a vision of Black Birds flying around your head. Being given these visions while in a previous romantic relationship, new visions I had yet to understand, I had been opening to the Black Birds. I had to understand what they meant. I did not know I was being warned about you doing harm ,or harm being done to you, or if it was about your soul knowledge. So, I was cautious and set the boundary intentionally. Knowing the power I wield, I had to be cautious about what effects we might trigger as it is hard to know who has harmed, wounded and/or killed whom when it comes to past lives.
I kept telling you that I did not think that you could understand me. Finally, you told me that you knew more than I thought you knew. Finally, I knew that I was not wrong in sensing and feeling my visions had given me enough information to understand the potential of your soul triggering mine. You said I made you feel ill, that you felt nothing, that we are not soul mates. I said, “I hear you.” I did understand that experience. I understood that you body and mind could be jolted from your or our soul memories. I was concerned that we both felt and feel safe.
On July 4th, your astral being told me, “I know you are guiding me.” I was elated and said, “I am guiding you up and down.” I meant, I am guiding you to leave your body and enter it at will. At that moment, I felt bliss and felt our beings merge as Light Beings. I know that your soul knows me, understands me, and that although you yourself or even me myself cannot vocalize this knowledge, it is a given.
Regardless of time and space, we are bound to the eternal Realms of Light Beings. Though we walk in the Shadows, hiding our true selves from all those around us who cannot see, hear or know our selves as Beings of Light, we are never the less Beings of Light. As such, I was shown who you are as a Light Being. I know the origin in this life, this Soul Cycle wherein we have been together. That posed questions for me to take great care in meditating on the meaning of your existence in this life to my existence. It has been very painful. As I had been seeking my Egyptian Queen, my counter-part as a Luminous Light Being. Your Light Being poised to be the potential end of the search caused me to heed your words whether to heal me or otherwise force me to release my wounds so that I could finally open my Heart Light and Soul to my final partner whomever she be, even if that means she is you. You forced me to let go of you. Yet, I know that letting go forces me to accept the boundless reality of love without expectation, beyond control, a total surrender to the mystery of creation-fear of the unknown and unknowable existence.
(The Gift – movie with Cate Blanchet, 2000.)
This is very much how I experience reality. Except, I actually talk to other people. I can prevent rapes and murders as well as save lives in other ways. I have been saving lives since I was in college. I was always psychic and had spirit guides since early childhood. I was injured in the military and had my near death experience under anesthesia for surgery. After that, I could no longer turn off my abilities. I had to learn to not only live with them but to aid,help and heal other souls, people. That is what I have been doing for tweny five years.
My first Near Death Experience was in 1969. My mother had a dream that I was killed in an automobile accident. While we were passengers in a car, my mother’s cousin driving, a drunk driver ran a red light. My mother recalled the dream instantly, broke my flight into the windshield. She sustained a coma for a few days, broke both legs, broke lumbar vertebra, cracker her forehead and almost died. I was out of body, watching the ambulance take my mother’s body out of the wreckage. I was told that I had to live so that my mother would have a reason to live. My mother was pregnant with my first sibling. He was born within a month later. Of course if my mother died, he would have died.
All of my childhood, I had spirit guides. My father’s father had introduced me to our ancestors when I was two years old. I had regular astral experiences and teachings. My first partner was also part Native American as I am. She had dreams with her mother and sister growing up. So, we had astral experiences with each other, including merging into the Light.
I have been astral and psychic my entire life. I recall choosing my mother in the sixties. I had and have regular visitations by people who have died. Many times, in my early twenties, I would be in a social situation and a deceased astral being would communicate through me. Often, I was saying things that did not make sense to me but made sense to someone else. I had to learn to handle this state of being. That meant, I had to meditate and handle being in control of my own mind, my thoughts as well as feelings and emotions. It was overwhelming to hear, see and feel spirits. Yet, learning to discipline my self and will power enabled me to handle my abilities throughout the rest of my adult life.
H0wever, because of being ultra sensitive, extrasensitive, I had always written in journals since high school. Though I do not keep those journals over time, I began typing them out to write books. I see visions which are color and three dimensional. I hear voices – male and female. In the astral, I have conversations with astral beings. I have been waking people up in the astral since I was in college. I began training groups in the mid-1990s.
I often say, as many psychics say, “It is a blessing and a curse.” Not everyone can handle the extrasensory experiences. Many people escape in many ways-drugs and religion even science. Keeping their minds busy, they avoid and ignore their own extrasensory senses. However, when I was a child my mother used to say, “If you do not pay attention and listen to your guidance, bad things will happen.” Sure enough, bad things happened. I almost tied more than once before I let go of avoiding and ignoring my guidance. I became a teacher because of the importance of extrasensory perception and experience is of great value, even actually our survival depends upon our senses and extrasensory senses. I would not be alive without them today. Neither would a lot of people, many I know as I have saved their lives whether they know it or not. I am not bragging. People need to learn that these gifts are real, valuable and can save lives.
Namaste,
Jedhi
Dear Beloved,
I know you may not read this. However, I had a dream a few nights ago. You needed me to forgive. I meditated on that.
You may not understand why I felt how I felt. I literally have felt like I was Spiritually Raped by you. I know that feels harsh. I was hurt by your reaction to my dream when I yelled at you. I tried to tell you why that was so painful and vulnerable for me. I felt you could not understand why I felt so deeply about that.
I hit the core of what I feel it means for both of us. Your reaction to my anger was obviously to me your fear of anger because of your mother. I had that too until I faced it in relationships where I learned to handle my fear of both being angry and vulnerable to anger if the other. However, I had told you I have always protected my deepest heart felt truths. This where the betrayal began.
My Great Aunt dreamt a powerful baby witch would be born and told my mother before meeting my father. All my childhood, my mother berated me for being a witch. She emotionally tortured me, constantly telling me I was the Devil’s child. Being my Great Protected as much as she could, and my Grandfather guiding all my childhood, I had a spiritual path vs. had I not I would have committed suicide like many lost souls do.
When you immediately reacted that I was projecting I felt I could not trust you. I diligently have double, triple reality checked all my psychic experiences since I was a child. I stopped telling my mother things when I was five. I relied on spirit guides and my Great Aunt and Grandfather until I was taken to Marcy Calhoun at 16yo. She saved my life by grounding me. My first true love saved my soul for sharing and merging hers with me.
When you rejected the fact that 1) I was vulnerable, 2) I was sharing from my dreams, 3) my dreams with had been you and me as dense physical beings communicating, 4) you came to me before I knew you and later you shared your soul pain in a song, not to mention other dreams wherein I could not have known at all, 5) dismissing you had given me a message about you taking off and I was giving you feedback on my experience of you in the Dreamtime, 6) I felt you were rejecting me.
You said, I would lose you if I told you what to do. I was walking on eggshells not able to tell you all my psychic feedback because you would experience being told what to do. I said you would lose me but I was so pissed you may not have discerned my wording if you told me how I felt or think.
So I reacted with how I felt about how you reacted to me. I felt Spiritually Raped by your reactions to my deep dream intimacy with you. Not because I feel you do not love me but because I felt you needed to control my love for you. And I feel you must feel the same in reverse. Because you guarded your self from intimacy I need. For me, intimacy comes from deep within the dreams. If I do not connect in dreams and we cannot communicate, I feel disconnected. I felt you were isolating to disconnect because of pain coming through us both.
I meditated deeper to my core to be able to share why we hit this core wound. I felt you feeling me invalidating you while I was validating my self. You validated your self while guarding your self too. You guarded by needing unconditional love to safe guard you. I felt like you were using love, feeling love to mask your wounds. I felt if you could just stop hiding and face your fear of feeling your wounds with me, you could release deep core pain. I was guarding myself with knowledge so you would not be able to pull the wool over my face-my extrasensory senses of your being.
I was not letting you get away with not facing this deep core pain because it was driving you away from your power. I did not want you to hate me. But if all I could do was let you need to hate me to self-reflect that was the only choice you gave me.
In my self-reflection, I get we both were feeling Spiritually Raped because we had been guarding out hearts from the rejection and torment we both experienced from our own mothers. The closer we came to releasing this pain, the more we threw up subtle guards we both felt as rejection and abandonment.
I always am hurt when you feel, think or insinuate I cannot understand you. This wound you have exacerbates my wounds of proving I am who I am. Explaining my expanded awareness of extrasensory sensed perceptions as real, densely physically, emotionally experienced does not help you because it triggers you to guard your memories and emotions attached. Basically your response is to guard by deflecting or denying my extrasensory experiences with you is unreal, untrue, denying me validation of who I am to my self and you.
You said I was fighting my self but could not admit you were fighting your own self.
It really pissed me off when you said you would let me spin. I hold Light and vulnerability for you and everyone close to me. I do not let anyone spin unless I actually do not care. Someone has to prove they are unworthy of my heart to do that. Yet, you wanted my unconditional love when you had it already. I finally just pushed you away so you could spin and feel how you like that.
Yes, I opened the Spiritual Rape Wounds so everyone could process it with both of us. I Sacrificed Our Wound to Communal Healing. We are not alone. What we experienced everyone will eventually experience in intimacy. I have humble humility to release my vanity and needs to be accepted and acknowledged enough to openly shatter my self a reflections to share so others can reap the benefits of me jumping off my high horse and over the cliffs onto what seems like deep waters.
I told you I never have to say, “I love you.” again. Acts are greater than words. You will know when you feel you know.
Namaste,
Jedhi
Due to my lucid (conscious of the subconscious) awarness in my lucid dream with my elders last night, mainly my fraternal grandfather, I am here now cracking the code while mediating on ideals of love, life giving (to self, others… chain reaction), unconditional love, no space memories that whip and frame connections, the self, the holdings, releasings, and awarness of the unconditional- be it love! just wanted to share what I really think about, write about, revisit, am driven by. If more people knew how to got themselves to Unconditional Love there would be a lot less: cancers out there, fewer ‘ Aleppo’s ‘, no trumps, no bernies, etc- etc.
I don’t give a flying elephant about my political correctedness- used to maybe back when I, then a wide eye high school junior, worked out my handshakes in the Press Office for then NYC Mayor Rudolph Giuliani, who America now finally understands as someone who is morally corrupt and connected to equally corrupt FBI agents- the worst of the best. Best Medicine of your life- free your mind— the world is a more intense & magical and the heart stronger than some- or, most dare to give it credit for. Love unconditionally. Whatever it fucking takes. Because the decision cannot me made for you. You were not born a slave, in fear for your heart- you owe it to yourself to die free. 12/17–18/16
I attended the Psychic Expo in the eastern coastal town of Austrailia this weekend. This was an ultra powerful and healing event for me. In the world of Mediumship, my natural abilities are termed Physical Medium. In their world, I am a rare breed, known to hide and be hidden since the days of Witch Acts and Hunts for hundreds of years. It is well known that we who are Physical Mediums, the scientists refer to us as Psychokinetic in the recent decades and Telekinetic in the earlier period of Parapsychology research in the 1800s to early 1900s.
Before I was born, before my mother met my father, my Great Aunt had a dream that a “Powerful baby Witch would be born in our family.” That was some months before my parents met, conceived me and I was born within a year later. So, I had have been called a witch by both my parents. Of course, I did not think I was different from other children. I never discussed it until my first relationship which began at age sixteen. Being she also had mutual dreams with her sister and mother, as well as being part Native American, it was normal to her like it was to me. So, for the duration of close friendship, partnership and the friendship we maintained after breaking up, we both shared our psychic experiences. I happened to be more psychic. That is that I had visions, voices and dreams as well as being psychokinetic. And, as I grew into my self, I became an anonomoly.
Being with partners became more and more difficult as more Physical Psychic Phenomenon occured and became more apparent. At this event, there were many Mediums giving general public displays of their abilities. In the USA, Mediums are more rare in public. That is because of the Witches Act of the 1700s that was repealed as late as 1949. That was when it became illegal to persectute and hang witches by Federal Law. That means, all wo/men who were psychic and had those abilities were subjected to prosecution, persecution, threats, attacks, and possibly death the year my own mother was still in the womb. Being from two families who are psychic, it meant that being psychic, knowing that caused secrecy and various forms of coping skills. Speaking about psychic events was phrased in various ways in my family. I grew up under this shroud of secrecy and protection.
When I attended college, after my first relationship ended in 1990, opening with friends, I discovered that I was different. That is when I discovered that I could manifest Astral Light and at a Distance. That is I could manifest as an Astral being in another town, over 20 miles away. And, I could manifest Astral Light at the same time. My friends were freaking out on me. The only one who was not freaked out, asked me to heal her. I was afraid of my power. The only time someone has requested a healing, the first time, and she went ahead and committed suicide. That effected me intensley. I realized that I had the power to heal another soul in the astral and I could in fact prevent a death.
I had prevented the death of her best friend whom I had dated. I had interrupted two car accidents at a distance. I felt the impending death looming, and then I isolated myself in meditation and protected my soul mate from a potential mistep that would have caused her death. That was verified when I ran into her a few days later the first time. She told me exactly what happened. The second time, she let me know in a dream. I travelled three hours to visit her after not seeing her for a year or more. She validated that as well. Since that time, I have saved a few lives and changed many. All of them were by request either in the astral. From very strict training througout childhood, then with a few professional psychics beginng at age sixteen, I was trained to have a high moral ethic with my psychic abilties.
In soul mate relationships, it is very difficult because a physical person may not know that their own soul is requesting a healing by visiting me in the astral. Over the years, my abilities have shifted and evolved. And, that has shifted me towards being more and more clear about my journey through life. I have often fought with my own abilities to control them. It is as if I am continually accepting that my abilities must be managed with diligence, honor, respect and will power. Because of my own integrity, I am often quite serious. Then, I will let the steam off and be quite opposite, jesting and joking about serious issues because my life has been filled with life vs death scenarios. My main work has been Going to the Light and Taking Beings to the Light. So, a lot of my own work has been in preparation for entering the Light through Death or Guiding others to Experiene the Light as in a Near Death or Rebirth Experience.
In my own life, my spiritual nature, my guidance, my Being of Light has been prompting me to move back toward being a Professional Psychic again. And, although I have worked in healing for years, since my twenties, my spectrum of abilities have been focussed on the Death and Rebirth experiences which occur under my abilties referred as Physical Mediumship in the Spiritual Churches around the world. My own ancestors in the Philippines were elders of the first Christian Espiritista Church of the Philippines in the early 1900 around the turn of the century. I am known in the Phlippines as a Psychic Surgeon. I am a blood line lineage holder. But not many people get to meet us because of the old Witches Acts which made it illegal for us to practice legally in many countries around the world. There are only a few safe places where we can travel and do our spiritual work.
For that reason, I did not know how to cope with this issue of people being in fear of me as a spiritual person. For these various reasons, I myself had been challenged to accept that my life is filled with restrictions. As an astral being, I can travel any where, any time, and I am free. As a person, my abilities of astral travel are feared in various arenas of life. People who fear me and people like me would rather see us dead. That is no understatement. I have tried to reveal many things about myself in order to share as much about being telepathic, telekinetic, psychic, psychokinetic, extra sensory sensitive, extra sensory perceptive because I know that others like me live in fear. Living in fear is like living as a prisoner in society. I have been working my entire lifetime to end this persecution of Witches–every kind of Witch.
I have been moving through a lot of intense fear, fear of my own power, fear of fear, fear of not wanting to live in this physical life. I have never been afraid of death. Death is pure freedom for me as an astral being. Life is the challenge. I did not feel that I could survive through it without a partner. I felt that I had needed a partner to soften the blow by blow of harsh reality of people who are intent on creating a division between their own fear of people who are spiritual, aware and intentionally living life vs. their fear of God, the Devil, Satan, Aliens, Lesbians, Gays, Transgenders, Black People, People of Color. Demonizing other people creates a world on the verge of living hell for those Demonized. Being psychic is the ultimate fear.
The fact that I can see visions, hear voices, dream of other people’s pasts and futures, make choices based on my awareness vs being in unknown probable uncertainty is their ultimate fear. I had avoided and been afraid of going to the United Kingdom for years. In college, when I experienced being burned at the stake as a Witch, I faced extreme pain and fear. Yet, I felt that as time was passing, becoming more and more psychic, the United Kingdom would cause me to see more ghosts in one place than ever before. On the one hand, I dreaded that. On the other hand, I knew that the Spiritual Churches in Great Brittain is the safest place for a Physical Medium like myself. This past weekend, I found that I have been correct about that and that some of them travel to Australia.
Being a nation under the Queen, they are naturally endowed with Spiritual Churches based on the same roots of the ones in Brittain. So, it is a safe haven for a Physical Medium like my self. And, I found that out this weekend. As for good news, I had been formulating what my Perfect Partner would be like. I knew she had to understand me as a Spiritual Being. And, I knew she had to understand her own self. I knew her psyche had to match mine. And, I knew that all my partners of past had various degrees of being psychic. However, none of them desired to become professional though they all manage their own spiritual life in ways that they can cope. Some of them are very supportive of me. One former partner told me the other day, “If I had your skills, I would be manifesting a lot of money. I would be wealthy.” That is true if she were manifesting what I can. At one point, I could manifest money with out worries. Then, I had my Near Death Experiences and Life Reviews. I was not using my abilties and skills in the highest good. I was using them for my self and partner. And, that partner, my first long term partner, does well with money. That was her path. Mine was to become a healer and spiritual teacher.
I have had set backs with income because my soul evolves in ways that challenge other people to understand who I am and what I can do in relationship to how I can serve them. Their limits placed limits on my income. In my past lives, in ancient pasts, I have been very successful. My skills in ancient times were in demand. Only until the Witch Persections and Witch Hunt did souls like my self become feared and dreaded to the point of death penalties. So, this life has been a challenge. To be honored and respected, I have fought various battles on various battle fronts. And, those I fought not just for my soul. I fought them for all the souls who evolve with mine. I have turned down scienfic grants to have my work catagorized as elite information for the elite echalons. I grew up in a Nuclear Submrine base where my Great Aunt, one of my spiritual mentors, a Spiritualist and 33rd Mason forecasted my birth from her dreams within months before my parents met each other and soon conceiving of me.
So, before I was a twinkle in my father’s eye, it was already ordained by fate and destiny that I would be born “a Powerful Witch.” And, as fortune has it, I recalled choosing my own mother as a Point of Light. So, my life has been filled with awareness of intention and consequences of knowledge. None of which I could escape by excuses. All of which came back through to me through my Life Reviews as well as dreams, visions and voices during my childhood and life. There has been no escape from being and feeling responsible for seeing the past and future fo me. There has only been an ongoing guidance of following a path set out by fate and ultimately destiny. Granted I have had visions and voices guide me. Those gifts seemed like curses at various times. Choice, choosing fates has always been one chore after another. Evolving rapidly to match the evolution of other souls who would and do need me as a soul to share my awareness and knowledge has been an ultimate challenge. When the world grows, I grow. I have no choice other than to choose how I manage my emotions and communicate with others.
So, this weekend, I learned that other Mediums are aware of my spectrum of abilities. Those who are involved within these realms of social circles are aware of those of us who have been hiding for the reasons we have hidden these abilities. And, now that I have risked stepping out of the closet and into the arena with other souls who can both gain from me and open me to being with others like me, I am thrilled to have crossed this void from being afraid to show myself and share to being able and willing to come out and be with other Psychics and Mediums again.
This is the beginning of a new stage of life for me, again but one that is setting my path in alignment with souls across the globe. I do mean across the globe. Over a decade ago, I was told that there are over 3 million members of the Espiritista Church of the Philippines. That is just the Philippines. That does not count Europe, Australia, all the Americas-North, Central and South America as well as nations around the world who have affiliated Spiritual Churches. As you can imagine, being called a Witch, I would be reticent to set foot in any Church. Albeit the Espiritistas of the Philippines was created to maintain my ancestral heritage so that it was never be erased from history. And, that means that I am facing the fact that though I have been called a Witch, a Witch Doctor and many other names, I fully embody and embrace Indigenous Spiritual Cultures of all Primal Ancestral Beings on the Planet. I am multi-racial, multi-cultural, multi-dimensional as a Spiritual Being. Time Space is not divisible in Spirit.
We all can embody and embrace our layers of soul experiences. And, that is the goal of the spiritual paths those of us on it are facing within our souls, our minds, our bodies to express at this time from cultures around the world. I believe that those of us who are done with labels which dishonor, disrespect and disregard as spiritual souls having a human experiene, we are coming out of the closets on every level we can afford at any moment we can afford to face others who would try to limit us, limit our perceptions of our souls, our selves, our minds, bodies, emotions. We are done. And, now I am beginning to believe the time has come to break through these barriers and free our souls for the planet, for all souls.
I must say that my favorite holiday is of course Halloween and All Souls Day. Oh, and I have met my most powerful partners around Halloween, especially at Halloween parties. Regardless of that happening, All Souls Day is a special holiday to honor and respect all those souls who have passed before us. If you know me, and I am sure that you do on this closed list, the dead are alive and well with me. I have been getting used to my father and nygma buddhist welsh male friend being around me in the astral these past some years since they passed over. My grandmother made herself known at the Canberra Spiritual Church the Sunday before last. My grandmother died on All Souls Day, three years before I was born. I know she was a psychic and healer in her own rights though born Swedish Lutheran then converted to Catholocism. I felt my grandmother had something to do with getting me together with my first partner. Maybe she can help me meet my last one. One can only ask.
So, the biggest realization I have had this past weekend has been about partnership. Yes, I know my own self. And, I knew that I needed a partner who is an equal in my eyes, ears and other senses. I had not taken the term Medium on though I have been guided by spirit guides my entire life since before I learned to speak, I had just had this issue with the word Church. Being a Witch in a Church really had me under a spell of fear and dread all of my life. I have set foot in a Church. Yet, being my real self, sharing my self as a being, I have been reticent, reluctant, resistent. But if I am going to bridge the gap, move beyond my own limits, I have been setting foot into the Spiritual Church as I know that it is a sanctuary for souls like me. I have also always known that I meet my partners on my path, in social circles and we are both guided to each other. Even for some years, I knew that when I came out of my fear of being in a Witch Closet again that the Afterlife, Near Death and Mediumship groups and organizations would be the way for me to move through my path and meet a partner. I had been working my way through my own issues to get there for some years. I just had to release a lot of fear and dread to get there. I am getting there day by day.
This weekend was an immense relief. There are people who can understand some of me, more of me than most unless someone is close to my inner circles. And, of course, to me that also means that a partner is moving closer to me and me to her. I really, really, really want a partner who is also a Physical Medium. I had been meditating on what I need and want for a year now. I began coming into direct focus on my personal needs list after clearing out what I did not want to repeat again for several years. I had a very long list of Never Agains. Now, my short list of needs is so much more tidy and brief. That is the amazing part. I am seeing, sensing that an incoming partner will have the life experience, psychic skills to cope with being with me and if need be, there are other Physical Mediums I can send her to for refresher courses in realizing I am not a Crazy Witch. Yay!!!
My guidance signs and signals will be much more clear now. For this and much more, I am grateful.
Cheers, Love and Light, J.
P.S. Always, I hope that sharing helps others to become more clear about all the issues we face as spiritual beings sharing our souls with others. I hope sharing my journey is helpful.
In May 2014, I meditated on opening to be guided to my final partner. I had been isolating myself from social life whilee I was single for three and a half years by that time. I have meditated since I was a child, had guidance in dreams, astral experiences and guidance by members of both sides of my family. I was blessed to be with my first partner because we shared dreams and both had the same experience of merging as astral beings in the Light. However, being psychic has never been easy.
First, as a child, I loved my life at night in dreams and the astral. I thoroughly enjoyed learning in my sleep. Yet, the psychic events of the day was intense for me. Being a child is extrasensitive normally but to be extrasensory perceptive is overstimulating and overwhelming. To learn to discern the difference between physical and non-physical objects can be painful. As a toddler, I was always walking into walls and other hard barriers. When I was young, I thought that I had hit my forehead so many times that my head was hardened like steel. My head has hit and broke a 1069 VW Squareback in head on collision. Funny that my head was not bleeding though I had a concussion, blacked out and was temporily paralyzed. That was a very scary period when I could have become a quadraplegic. My neck injuries effected me since that time. I had told my friends in high school that I was going to die in a car accident by the time I was nineteen. Well, I lived through it and many other narrow escapes. Or, as I like to refer them as the times my Guides sent me back for more of this life. Besides that, being in my body has been a very oversensitive, overstimulating and overwhelming experience. I was sent to Marcy Calhoun, a local psychic, for meditation training as a teen ager. It was well known that I was psychic in my family but in the world, it meant nothing. People outside my family were oblivious.
As far as being in the world, I was peceived as intelligent and even genius. I was a star student, performer in music and sports, and later at work. Decades later, I would be considered an Honoray Scientist for a Non Profit Scientific Research group for my work in correlating Astral Experiences with Physics. In that sense, it would seem that I would be a highly productive and career oriented person. However, though I had been accepted in Science as a Psychic for my abilities and knowledge, I also felt misunderstood most of the time. Some of the Scientists understood me because they had studied psychics like me for decades. Judith Orloff, M.D. is also one one of the Psychics who was stuidied and she became a Psychiatrist after accepting her Psychic abitlities as real, necessary and useful as a means of healing clients. I first read her book Second Sight when in came out in the nineties. I recommend it because she want through some of the same fears and dreads I went through as a Psycihc.
I have written about my college friend Mala who committed suicide. We would meet at coffee shops. We were both telepathic with each other. We were both intelligent, logical and intersted in discovering the scientific basis of explaining our astral experiences. I have a smile on my face when I recall that we would be at a college party in a corner comparing and contrasting leaving our bodies, floating through the ceiling and shifting through space and time–past, present and future realms of experience. We were the only two students around us who could and would speak about these extrasensory experiences.
Mala was in the Art Department. I was in the Philosophy Department. Most of my friends were artists taking Art classes. All of my closest friends were very talented artists. As one of the talented artists, she was multitalented. Though all my friends were talented her intelligence was on par with mine. I was charting the axis between past, present and future. I was concerned about being able to handle my extrasensory perceptions. I was studying the Ancient Philosophers–especially the Platonic School of Metaphysics. I had studied science since I was in third grade. Harold Houdini was one of my Spirit Guides. He would guide me to books in the public library. I was nine years old seeking the scientific explanation for creation. In college, Mala and I were studying theories such as the Holographic Universe and Parallel Dimensions of Space and Time.
It was at that time, I had been having Life Reviews where I had been shown my life as a child through to my college years as well as past lives and then I was having future lives. My experiences in the Space Time was so visceral that I was waking up forgetting my name, age and not recognizing my self. I kept a journal and took copious notes. To this day, I have taken notes on my Spiritual Journey. When I am shifting through deep core soul changes, I take notes. When I am having calm and stable experience of life, I do not take notes. I recall the highlights of the dreams of my entire life such as choosing my mother before I was born. This used to drive my mother nuts. While Mala and I were discovering the meaning of our astral experiences using scientific methodology, she told me that she was my Twin Soul. She told me that we met at the wrong time, a minute off the timeline. According to Mala, I was supposed to meet her before I met her best friend who was standing a few feet away from her when I introduced myself at a Halloween party in 1991. That would be Fall of 1993. At that time, I had been waking to my Life Purpose as a Light Being.
The night I had been called to be informed of her suicide, I dreamt that she came to me as a Light Being wearing a White Wedding Dress wearing black Dr. Marten boots. Three angels were singing.
“Don’t ya feel dead…
When you’re lying
In your bed
Don’t ya feel dead…
When you’re surrounded
By good friends
Don’t ya feel dead…
When the voices in your head
Scream and your mouth
Can’t make a sound….
Don’t you feel…
Don’t you feel…
Don’t you feel…
Dead
In your head…”
I kept waking up to write the words from my dream. Then, I would go back to sleep. I missed the funeral but her life long best friend was there with all of our mutual friends. She told Mala’s mother that she had a dream that Mala came to her in a dress and told her she was saying her last “Good bye.” I was driving from New Mexico on my way to Northern California. Everyone knew that I was trying to get home so I was given the message when I arrived. During the days after her death, I had regular out of body experiences. Other astral beings were showing up at the edge of my bed to take me out to fly.
I would see them at the edge of my bed and then I would leave my body. I would pass through the wall behind my bed and walk out the doorway in the kitchen and fly above the Sonoma vineyards– a gorgeous view from above. I love California. I cried nearly every day. Though I was astral traveling with Shamans around the world, being in the world without a flying partner who was a real in the flesh person I could share my discoveries was like I died myself. At a certain point in time, she came back to me as an astral being. Her astral being brought me through the holographic memories of her life. She showeed me why she felt alienated and isolated in her childhood around her family and friends. She was showing me that she could no longer handle the lonliness. She brought my astral being back to my body and then her Light merged into my Light. That was the last time she was a seperate being. Since that time, she has been part of my being.
The last time we talked was in the summer of 1994. I met with her to tell her that I was heading off out of state to go to graduate school. I knew that she was till healing from this Spiritual Crisis we both were experiencing. We were between worlds. We both felt misunderstood and both of us were trying to understand the meaning of our lives. She said, “You are the lucky one.” She had everything. Her parents ran a winery. She had a gorgeous view of the vineyards from her room which had a balcony. For all intent purposes, she lived like a princess. When I was in her room above the vineyard that summer, she said, “Do you thin we are angels?” She was reffering to our Light Beings. I said, “I do not know.” She asked me to live with her and her best friend. I was speechless. The three of us were so psychic with each other. I could not see us being able to handle being together in the same house. I could only see us all having this Spiritual Crisis together and not being able to make sense out of what we were experiencing. I was going off following my dreams. I had dreams with shamen who were guiding me to mentors who could, would and did give me the guidance I needed to ground my expanded awareness and burgeoning knowledge of astral realms and being psychic.
In Decmeber 1994, I got the call that changed my life and essentially changed my Spiritual Journey. The fear of abandonment and rejection had propelled me to steer clear of relationnship. Although I did have a girlfriend, she could not understand me in the ways I needed to feel and be understood. For her, she understood my extrasensory experiences were real. I had seen her deceased mother floating above her bed the first night spent at her place in college. She never told me her mother died in her teens. Seeing her mother and describing her was proof. All of my close friends knew my dreams and visions could come true. Although it was understood that I was psychic, no one understood my pscychic pain the way Mala understood me. We were sharing this pain of feeling seperated from everyone else. We both experienced extrasensory experience of being astral beings who are awake and aware of astral beings arounds us who are unaware and alseep. To us, it was as if we were surrounded by zombies. Yet, her death caused me to pause and consider a request she made of me. She had asked me to heal her. I did not understand how she knew I could heal her when she was alive. Yet, I was learning that I had power that heal others and I was practicing on my girlfriend while we were together. I just did not not understand that would become my Life Purpose–to heal astral beings. Her death was the pivotal point. I understood.
In my first relationship, my partnership opened me to accept the Meaning of Life-Love. I realized that the reason to live and not risk myself dying by living at the edge in order to release my body and enter the astral and die was Being in Love. That was my first major Soul Lesson. I have had many Soul Lessons like everyone else has had them. Yet, the Core of My Being needed to accept Being Human. Being In Love made being Human acceptable. However, the next Soul Lesson I learned was that Facing Pain of Being in Love is necessary. I could not avoid or ignore it. Being Psychic made me more extrasensory sensitive. Being able to sense through the astral being of a partner, see visions of my partner’s memories, feel the feelings and emotions of a partner’s past, present and future was beyond durable I felt. I was avoiding being engaged with another partner, an astral being. Her death forced me to face the fact that avoiding and ignoring the Pain of Being in Love was dangerous and self-anhilating. I understood: even if I avoided and ignored a relationship, I was going to feel the merging in the astral even if and when a partner left the body-died.
I have been reading Judith Orloff’s book recently again because she went through the Psychic Pain. The pain of feeling, sensing, and otherwise experiencing the pain of others caused her to avoid and ignore her Psychic Senses in high school. I did that same. I was on a quest to anhilate the Psychic Pain. But I fell in Love. Love healed me to the point that I had a Reason to Live. I knew that Love was the Cure. I did not know that I could be in love again but I knew that it was imperitive that I Opened my Heart to Love. After losing the Love of my Life, losing Mala as a human being, Being in Love with other Soul Mates and a few Soul Flames, I found myself letting go of the Psychic Pain of Being in Love again in 2014.
In May 2014, I opened my Heart again. And, the Psychic Pain felt like my entire body was in fire, for months. For several months, I felt burining pain the degree I could not sleep. I saw White Light whenever I closed my eyes. I could not dream except a few times. I was triggered to experience deep core soul memories of pain by meeting a few soul mates. At a certain point, I had meditated to the point where I merely felt burning pain in my heart. Then, I met another potential partner. I had begun to share the depths of my self as a Psychic. Yet, I felt her response was intelligent, emotionally intelligent and intuitive but I felt that she could not understand the Psychic Pain I was sensing from her own Psychic Pain. I was feeling and sensing the Psychic Pain she was carrying. I felt she was hiding it from me and the world. I felt that she could not discuss her Psychic Pain because it seemed that she couild not understand mine. That triggered me to the Core of Psychic Pain. I could not handle the intensity of the Psychic Pain.
I had been meditating on how to communicate the deeper Core Psychic Pain with a potential partner before we met. Yet, the more I opened to the Psychic Pain to share it, the more I felt. I became oversensitive, overstimulated, overwhelmed. By the time we were beginning to discuss the issue of being intuitive, psychic and astral, both of us were not able to communicate through our own fear of seperation. The intense emotions welling in me caused me to let her know I could not handle communicating. I was doing the best I could to handle my Psychic Pain but it hit me like me like a Tsunami. I was under the waves and holding onto my breathing. All I could do was meditate on the Psychic Pain coming in waves into my heart.
As I was meditaing on healing my own Psychic Pain, I began to feel her Psychic Pain. And, over the course of weeks, I felt our Hearts merge in the Astral. Within two months, I dreamt about a past life. I did not know who the Chinese man was in my dreams. Her voice came through and said, “How do you feel me now?” I said, “I feel you inside me.” I woke up realizing that I had felt the full astral merge. I had understood that my astral being had been merging with hers in the Light. Although the Pscyhic Pain had shifted into feeling merged and blissful, I would feel periods of Psychic Pain in my heart. I felt that we were both healing in parallel. Our astral beings were merged and we were both healing our Hearts in the astral. Within a few months, I had a dream where she showed me her Psyhchic Pain of feeling misunderstood. I awoke and I knew. I understood.
We were sharing the same pain I had shared with Mala. We were sharing the Psychic Pain of feeling alone and isolated in feeling understood from the Core of our Souls. We both had shared enough for me to realize that we were sharing from our Core Soul Beings. She had pointed out that we were merging before I realized that it was happening. I was waiting for her to tell me what was happening because of my Psychic Pain. I was terrified that I would be abandoned and rejected for sensing her Pyschic Pain. I mean, I knew that I could feel her Psychic Pain but I did not think that she would understand me if I shared that with her. I was holding back from sharing what I was sensing and feeling about and from her. I felt when she became afraid of me abandoning and rejecting her. I felt the moment that we were both feeling the same fear. That same fear caused us both to retract, emotionally shit down at the same time. And, then we were not able to communicate. Yet, I knew what was happening yet could not break through my own emotional block from communication.
Since that time, I began to work through breaking through my emotional patterns of emotional withholding. I have been moving through breaking all emotional patterns of not being able to verbalize my fear of being criticised, judged and being feared for being Psychic. I am extending my sense of being in fear of being misunderstood for being Psychic. The divide of being able to explain things to a partner is a steeper ravine. Being able to tell a partner that I can and do experience not only visions of the past or the future or of deceased loved ones but that I also experience being those other beings. I can experience the entire lifetime of another astral being.-dead or alive. I can experience memories being formed by a partner. In other words, I can sense and feel where she is at another location, what she might feel, think, say or do. I can experience a partner as Another Myself.
I had meditated asking my Light Being to guide me to the Other Myself, my Twin Flame on and off since I was in college when I was in my twenties. However, I did not know what I know now. I had to experience several Soul Mates and a few Soul Flames. I had to understand the depth of the experiences of astral merging, sharing mutual dreams, sharing astral experiences. I had to fine tune my awareness and understanding being finely attuned to my partner’s awareness. I had to open my Heart to merging entirely, ongoing, comitted to continuing to cross the division between Self and Other. And, that means accepting, acknolwedging and experiencing the Psychic Pain of the Beloved. It meansing being able to continue to express Love, opening to deeper Love, and sharing the depth of Our Hearts as a Couple, Equal and Together.
The Psychic Pain of fear of seperation from feeling sensed, felt, heard, witnessed, understood is immense. To accept that we can be sensed from an extrasensory sensory experience of being merged in the astral is an immense self-acknowledgement of our sensience as beings created by the Source. It means, we are One with God, Great Spirit, the Cosmos. Overcoming the fear of seperation from the Beloved opens us to become One between Self and Other and God. This is a very super sensitive experience is the greatest bliss and yet between moments of bliss, there are moments of terror of loss. That is what caused the end of my first relationship within the year of merging in the Light. It caused me to avoid a relationship which ended in a suicide. And, it has been causing me to be single since 2014. Yet, I know that I have been merged in the astral and in the Light. I know that I will cross the divide at some point in time and space. It will happen. I wil get beyond the divisions of time and space.
It is happening. It is happening because I am casting of the fear of exposing my raw fear of acknowledging my PyschicPain-my fear of being misunderstood for what I sense and feel as real. Being understood by a partner, knowing that my partner is not only tuned into me but also in sychronization with me in the astral, heart, body, mind and soul is the ultimate intimacy. There is no other intimacy other than merging into the Light. And, that I have done and that will happen again as it is my destiny. I know the stages and process of merging. I understand.
Every time I am sharing my experiences of being Psychic, I am crossing the divide. At some point, I will feel understood from the Core of my Soul. And, then I will be in relationship with my final partner. I will know by sensing the reality of extrasensory experience of merging. I understand.
In sharing, you may understand.
Namaste,
J.
Recently, I became tuned into information which I had never been aware of before. Various words that you used were stuck in my head with question marks. I could not understand what you meant and why you needed to make those statements. I felt that you were telling me something painful to you about your self. I felt that you were conveying some things that were important for you to tell me. Yet, I had no understanding of what you meant. Over the course of the year, a friend had tried to get me to read some resource materials about Autism. She herself was considering her own self-assessment. Her own son is autistic and she was feeling the need to discover whether she was Autistic or not. I was not helpful in that regard. I have not been impressed with the status of terminology in Psychology or Psychiatry. I have felt that the terminology, listing out symptoms, naming them and labeling a person is demeaning, not healing but damaging. However, I became aware that maybe I need to understand it because you might need me to understand.
I did not want to assume that you are yourself Autistic. I was not sure why you had been using various words. Those words had stuck in my head continuously. I had never heard anyone use those words in the combination and with emphasis about one’s self. When I began to read the materials on Autism, I learned much more than I ever imagined. First, I learned that there is a spectrum from low to high functioning Autism. Of course, I chose to read about the High Functioning Autism. From that, I discovered more than I could have imagined as I had known nothing about Autism. Although, I had asked my friend several times if she felt a telepathic relationship with her son. She would tell me, “No. I just know what he wants.” When you and I were still talking, I told you that my brother had a similar experience as you but he was tested and had a genius IQ in second grade. When I was very young, my brother would not talk. So, I would talk for him. I would tell my mom what he wanted. She would tell me, “Let your brother talk.” Well, he did not want to talk. I also felt telepathic with father all of my life as well as dream with him all of my adult life. One of my former partners had a friend who was Autistic and an artist. She showed me a photo of her friend’s art and I pointed out what the art meant. There were layers of images and I pointed out that the layers were the interdimensional realms her friend was perceiving. When I was a child, I was raised with the understanding that I am psychic. And, I knew that her friend who was Autistic was also psychic but could not verbalize it like I could verbalize.
I read more about being High Functioning Autistic also called Aspergers. During my reading, I discovered several traits I had growing up. I talked and walked early. My mom used to say, “Your problem is that you started walking too early. You should have kept crawling.” It used to drive my mom nuts that I repeated things that she said. I started reading at age three years old. I recall my parents having sex when I was a baby. I have said before that I recalled choosing my mother. I spent inordinate time alone. I would either hide under the bed, in the clothes hamper, in the closet or out in a field of high growing wild grasses. I preferred to be alone to think about my sensory experiences. I would work through making sense of my day by recalling my memory of events and trying to learn from them. I often had dreams of being naked at school. Now, I am seeing that I felt vulnerable. My mom used to say that I was so sensitive. I did not know what she meant. I always say that being in love with my best friend whom I met at a high school drama party was the best thing that ever happened to me. That was the first time I could share experiences not just talking but also in dreaming. My relationship validated my childhood astral experiences, dream guides and spiritual teachers in my family as well as Mary Calhoun who was my meditation teacher in high school.
Reading accounts by women who have HFA or Aspergers, deciding to read a few of their books, I realized that there are people who are like me yet they grew up in other types of families. Both sides of my family have very psychic traditions. One tradition is Indigenous and the other Christian Mysticism. So, I had a buffet table of religious and spiritual teachings. I imagine that a child who is psychic and has HFA/Aspergers most typically does not have the plethora of mysticism to meditation, spiritual and religious to shamanic training. This realization has led me to realize what you meant when you once said, “I think we are talking about the same thing but differently.” I thought you could not understand me. I felt that you would never really understand how I feel and why I think about the world.
You had started to tell me that I was “projecting” when I was trying to explain how and why I felt emotionally connected to an issue I felt needed to be addressed. I did not have words to explain what I was sensing and feeling and why I was experiencing it. For me, it was a psychic, karmic and spiritual experience. I have many words to draw from. I have a vast range of verbal communication. Yet, to be able to describe complex psychic emotionally laden extra sensory perceptions is not simple nor easy to explain. And, I felt I had reached a dead end of communication with you. I did not feel that you had the patience to handle what I had to say and so I left the conversation hang at that. It was not the end of the reality. I had reached the end of being able to explain what I felt and why in terminology you could understand. And, then, I felt that I needed to stop talking to you.
I felt that if you could not understand that I can experience my own memories, track memory patterns and emotional patterns, knowing that I am experiencing complex time space patterns while also being aware of sensing the memory and emotional patterns of another person, separate mine to delineate the boundaries to compare and contrast, then you would think I was crazy vs psychic. Being psychic can drive anyone crazy. I have had to spend countless hours alone, allowing my body and mind to be still to understand my own extra sensory experiences and sort through them to make sense of them.
Consider this, you are in a dream. There is audio, visual, sense of touch, taste, smell and feelings and emotions. Most people cannot wake up in a dream and become lucid. The data is interlaced with complex patterns of emotional and sensory experience. Yet, I had dream guides when I was a child. I was trained how to wake up in dreams, how to control my dreams, how to make sense of my dreams and how to operate as an individual within my own dreams as well as enter the dreams of others and interact with them in their dreams.
Then, consider this, after Near Death Experiences, Astral experiences since childhood, and Going to the Light in my early twenties, I was given a set of teachings to be able to navigate through space, time and spacetime as well as the Light. As a being, I became a spirit guide. As a human being, I have all the needs everyone else has too. I just need a lot of space and time alone to manage my spacetime realities of experience. I knew when we were discussing issues of power, we were coming from opposite sides of a spectrum of awareness and experience. I knew that you had been learning about the same issues I had been learning but had a difference vantage point. Now, I am seeing that your views are coming nearly the exact opposite of mine. Mine are coming from the spiritual realm landing on the earth realm and yours from the earth realm to spiritual realm. And, that is what you told me when you said, “You are flying and I am earthling.”
You had aroused my suspicion that you had bought into the terminology of Psychology. I rarely use words that I feel will box a person into a label. My goal has been to set people’s minds, hearts and souls free. I felt that you could not fathom that my work, my spiritual work opens people to their real selves vs. labels. And, that also when people feel free, they can and do feel a reason to live and that is grounding. They stop needing to search and seek outside of them selves. They find the inner peace and solace. Yet, I did realize soon after we stopped talking, that you were working on healing others and that was your goal. I just did not feel you could understand my awareness of using shamanic techniques to reach the same goals. I thought we would be trying to communicate and argue over the terminology. I felt that not understanding each other points of views would cause us to not be able to understand and yet be emotionally wounded by feeling a need to be understood. I did not want to feel emotionally and psychically attached and rejected at the same time. It took me some months to realize that you felt that same way. We both felt misunderstood and rejected. I did try to break through to you and tell you that if we could get through and communicate, we would have an amazing relationship. I knew that if we could verbalize our points of view and share them, we would have amazing conversations. I kept holding onto that vision of reality. I know that I work harder and try harder to understand a meaningful relationship whether I am going through emotional hell, confusion and pain to understand. One of the most amazing things about me is that I work through relationship issues where everyone else has left the stage and gone onto new dramas. From that perspective, I was challenging you to understand your self as deep as you could ever imagine because I would continually open new ways for you to explore your soul. I thought I could create a boundary so that you could do your own explorations and I could do my own. For the most part, that remained true except I would have a bleed over from your soul to mine. Then, I had to understand why I needed to understand you more and more.
One thing that you do not know is that I had to go through a tremendous soul crisis during college which shook me to the core. I spent all my time and energy either meditating or studying. My core studies were in Philosophy where I learned how to decode the Ancient Metaphysics. I began to correlate my own emotional, psychic and spiritual experiences with the Platonic School and beyond. I had to understand my experiences and be able to make sense of them. Before that, I spoke in metaphors. I could speak like other people but when I was opening to speak from my soul, I used dream images, visual and auditory imagery. My friends were artists and musicians primarily. To break free from being misunderstood, I had to learn how others used words. So, I broke through language barriers to learn to communicate more clearly and precisely. Some people give me the feedback that I am very scientific. I am. I think very clearly and precisely even in my dreams. I learned to understand logic of dreaming and visions. So, it seems that I am not emotional when in fact, I am very precise. However, emotional are like tidal waves. Some are Tsunamis in the spectrum of from one through ten.
When I am emotionally overwhelmed, I am on overload. That is when I will become silent and not be able to speak. And, that happened the last time we were really trying to communicate clearly. The emotions that came took me several months and up to a year to understand. Even after the wave hit me, I had to delve into the aftermath of meaningful emotions and feelings. I did not know you well enough to openly share those depths of my soul. You experienced me not being able to communicate. You took that personally. I could not even explain what was going on at all. But since you were taking it personal, I felt that you were going to go on your own emotional roller coaster because I could not handle the intensity of what I felt. Once your feelings were hurt too, I felt that you would merely blame me. And, I felt that we both were hitting our boundaries of self-awareness. I knew it was not just me. I did not want us to both get caught in a whirl pool of blaming each other.
Our first inclination was to blame each other. Meanwhile, I knew I was wrong in blaming you but I could not even help myself to stop it. So, I felt that you also could not help yourself to stop it either. I felt that the only way for both of us to break out of blaming each other was to cut off communication so that we both could break our patterns on our own without feeling the need to defend our positions. If we could both get to a point where we realized there was nothing to blame each other about, then we could both break free from feeling a need to protect our feelings. I did not feel that it was negative. I felt it was the positive solution to breaking free from an emotional pattern we were mirroring.
I felt guided to break us out of our own emotional pattern of emotional withdrawal. I knew that your gut reaction would be to cut me off. Instead of cutting me off or me cutting you off, I gave you the permission to cut me off by daring you to do it. If you could see that I am just as stubborn as you, that cutting me off is not going to hurt or penalize me, that I can go on merely my own, processing on my own, not needing hand holding from you, not needing you to validate how I feel about you or myself, and that I can keep on healing regardless, then you could get to this point where you could realize: fuck, that emotional pattern just does not work at this stage of inner growth so I better figure out how to let it go. Being that I knew you are as stubborn as me, challenging you to be as stubborn and emotionally withholding as I can be caused me to work on my own realization: fuck, that emotional pattern sucks and I better get to the core of it before I am single for life.
Restating, I knew that we both had an emotional pattern we mirrored to each other. We both brought it to each other’s attention in different ways. But we both knew we were going to hit it at some point, soon rather than later as it turned out. I knew that this was the core issue we both had to release to get to the last, the final relationship. It was the one holding us back because we both know too much about relationship but our stubborn holding onto our own power, our own sense of identity was preventing us both from being in long term relationship and maintaining it. But, I will add this: I am also quite aware that we both also needed to feel understood. And, not feeling understood in relationship has been a barrier for me since my first one. The soul growth I made after my first relationship ended leap frogged me into the Light Realms. That catapulted me ahead of the soul evolution of my partners thereafter. I did feel legitimately misunderstood. But now I have to leave the emotional pain behind me and open to understanding new ways of seeing myself as well others. I am now beginning to see that there are people who can understand much of what I understand but from another angle. Yet, they would also love to understand all that I know. I am seeing a new beginning in ways to communicate and new communities to share within to bridge our world views.
I understood that people with Autism could be psychic. Now I understand that they are at least empathic and may be also be psychic in other ways like myself. I can understand that people who did not know that they were psychic and grew up with labels need do understand what being psychic means for their growth and self-acceptance. And, I learned it the hard way but we all fall often when we were leaning to walk. I would never have listened. I had to feel guided to be led to understand. Now, I am willing to listen.
Namaste,
Jedhi