Soul Mates, Twin Flames and other Flames… for Evolving Souls.

Monthly Archives: April 2016

In May 2014, I meditated on opening to be guided to my final partner. I had been isolating myself from social life whilee I was single for three and a half years by that time. I have meditated since I was a child, had guidance in dreams, astral experiences and guidance by members of both sides of my family. I was blessed to be with my first partner because we shared dreams and both had the same experience of merging as astral beings in the Light. However, being psychic has never been easy.

First, as a child, I loved my life at night in dreams and the astral. I thoroughly enjoyed learning in my sleep. Yet, the psychic events of the day was intense for me. Being a child is extrasensitive normally but to be extrasensory perceptive is overstimulating and overwhelming. To learn to discern the difference between physical and non-physical objects can be painful. As a toddler, I was always walking into walls and other hard barriers. When I was young, I thought that I had hit my forehead so many times that my head was hardened like steel. My head has hit and broke a 1069 VW Squareback in head on collision. Funny that my head was not bleeding though I had a concussion, blacked out and was temporily paralyzed. That was a very scary period when I could have become a quadraplegic. My neck injuries effected me since that time. I had told my friends in high school that I was going to die in a car accident by the time I was nineteen. Well, I lived through it and many other narrow escapes. Or, as I like to refer them as the times my Guides sent me back for more of this life. Besides that, being in my body has been a very oversensitive, overstimulating and overwhelming experience. I was sent to Marcy Calhoun, a local psychic, for meditation training as a teen ager. It was well known that I was psychic in my family but in the world, it meant nothing. People outside my family were oblivious.

As far as being in the world, I was peceived as intelligent and even genius. I was a star student, performer in music and sports, and later at work. Decades later, I would be considered an Honoray Scientist for a Non Profit Scientific Research group for my work in correlating Astral Experiences with Physics. In that sense, it would seem that I would be a highly productive and career oriented person. However, though I had been accepted in Science as a Psychic for my abilities and knowledge, I also felt misunderstood most of the time. Some of the Scientists understood me because they had studied psychics like me for decades. Judith Orloff, M.D. is also one one of the Psychics who was stuidied and she became a Psychiatrist after accepting her Psychic abitlities as real, necessary and useful as a means of healing clients. I first read her book Second Sight when in came out in the nineties. I recommend it because she want through some of the same fears and dreads I went through as a Psycihc.

I have written about my college friend Mala who committed suicide. We would meet at coffee shops. We were both telepathic with each other. We were both intelligent, logical and intersted in discovering the scientific basis of explaining our astral experiences. I have a smile on my face when I recall that we would be at a college party in a corner comparing and contrasting leaving our bodies, floating through the ceiling and shifting through space and time–past, present and future realms of experience. We were the only two students around us who could and would speak about these extrasensory experiences.

Mala was in the Art Department. I was in the Philosophy Department. Most of my friends were artists taking Art classes. All of my closest friends were very talented artists. As one of the talented artists, she was multitalented. Though all my friends were talented her intelligence was on par with mine. I was charting the axis between past, present and future. I was concerned about being able to handle my extrasensory perceptions. I was studying the Ancient Philosophers–especially the Platonic School of Metaphysics. I had studied science since I was in third grade. Harold Houdini was one of my Spirit Guides. He would guide me to books in the public library. I was nine years old seeking the scientific explanation for creation. In college, Mala and I were studying theories such as the Holographic Universe and Parallel Dimensions of Space and Time.

It was at that time, I had been having Life Reviews where I had been shown my life as a child through to my college years as well as past lives and then I was having future lives. My experiences in the Space Time was so visceral that I was waking up forgetting my name, age and not recognizing my self. I kept a journal and took copious notes. To this day, I have taken notes on my Spiritual Journey. When I am shifting through deep core soul changes, I take notes. When I am having calm and stable experience of life, I do not take notes. I recall the highlights of the dreams of my entire life such as choosing my mother before I was born. This used to drive my mother nuts. While Mala and I were discovering the meaning of our astral experiences using scientific methodology, she told me that she was my Twin Soul. She told me that we met at the wrong time, a minute off the timeline. According to Mala, I was supposed to meet her before I met her best friend who was standing a few feet away from her when I introduced myself at a Halloween party in 1991. That would be Fall of 1993. At that time, I had been waking to my Life Purpose as a Light Being.

The night I had been called to be informed of her suicide, I dreamt that she came to me as a Light Being wearing a White Wedding Dress wearing black Dr. Marten boots. Three angels were singing.

“Don’t ya feel dead…

When you’re lying

In your bed

Don’t ya feel dead…

When you’re surrounded

By good friends

Don’t ya feel dead…

When the voices in your head

Scream and your mouth

Can’t make a sound….

Don’t you feel…

Don’t you feel…

Don’t you feel…

Dead

In your head…”

I kept waking up to write the words from my dream. Then, I would go back to sleep. I missed the funeral but her life long best friend was there with all of our mutual friends. She told Mala’s mother that she had a dream that Mala came to her in a dress and told her she was saying her last “Good bye.” I was driving from New Mexico on my way to Northern California. Everyone knew that I was trying to get home so I was given the message when I arrived. During the days after her death, I had regular out of body experiences. Other astral beings were showing up at the edge of my bed to take me out to fly.

I would see them at the edge of my bed and then I would leave my body. I would pass through the wall behind my bed and walk out the doorway in the kitchen and fly above the Sonoma vineyards– a gorgeous view from above. I love California. I cried nearly every day. Though I was astral traveling with Shamans around the world, being in the world without a flying partner who was a real in the flesh person I could share my discoveries was like I died myself. At a certain point in time, she came back to me as an astral being. Her astral being brought me through the holographic memories of her life. She showeed me why she felt alienated and isolated in her childhood around her family and friends. She was showing me that she could no longer handle the lonliness. She brought my astral being back to my body and then her Light merged into my Light. That was the last time she was a seperate being. Since that time, she has been part of my being.

The last time we talked was in the summer of 1994. I met with her to tell her that I was heading off out of state to go to graduate school. I knew that she was till healing from this Spiritual Crisis we both were experiencing. We were between worlds. We both felt misunderstood and both of us were trying to understand the meaning of our lives. She said, “You are the lucky one.” She had everything. Her parents ran a winery. She had a gorgeous view of the vineyards from her room which had a balcony. For all intent purposes, she lived like a princess. When I was in her room above the vineyard that summer, she said, “Do you thin we are angels?” She was reffering to our Light Beings. I said, “I do not know.” She asked me to live with her and her best friend. I was speechless. The three of us were so psychic with each other. I could not see us being able to handle being together in the same house. I could only see us all having this Spiritual Crisis together and not being able to make sense out of what we were experiencing. I was going off following my dreams. I had dreams with shamen who were guiding me to mentors who could, would and did give me the guidance I needed to ground my expanded awareness and burgeoning knowledge of astral realms and being psychic.

In Decmeber 1994, I got the call that changed my life and essentially changed my Spiritual Journey. The fear of abandonment and rejection had propelled me to steer clear of relationnship. Although I did have a girlfriend, she could not understand me in the ways I needed to feel and be understood. For her, she understood my extrasensory experiences were real. I had seen her deceased mother floating above her bed the first night spent at her place in college. She never told me her mother died in her teens. Seeing her mother and describing her was proof. All of my close friends knew my dreams and visions could come true. Although it was understood that I was psychic, no one understood my pscychic pain the way Mala understood me. We were sharing this pain of feeling seperated from everyone else. We both experienced extrasensory experience of being astral beings who are awake and aware of astral beings arounds us who are unaware and alseep. To us, it was as if we were surrounded by zombies. Yet, her death caused me to pause and consider a request she made of me. She had asked me to heal her. I did not understand how she knew I could heal her when she was alive. Yet, I was learning that I had power that heal others and I was practicing on my girlfriend while we were together. I just did not not understand that would become my Life Purpose–to heal astral beings. Her death was the pivotal point. I understood.

In my first relationship, my partnership opened me to accept the Meaning of Life-Love. I realized that the reason to live and not risk myself dying by living at the edge in order to release my body and enter the astral and die was Being in Love. That was my first major Soul Lesson. I have had many Soul Lessons like everyone else has had them. Yet, the Core of My Being needed to accept Being Human. Being In Love made being Human acceptable. However, the next Soul Lesson I learned was that Facing Pain of Being in Love is necessary. I could not avoid or ignore it. Being Psychic made me more extrasensory sensitive. Being able to sense through the astral being of a partner, see visions of my partner’s memories, feel the feelings and emotions of a partner’s past, present and future was beyond durable I felt. I was avoiding being engaged with another partner, an astral being. Her death forced me to face the fact that avoiding and ignoring the Pain of Being in Love was dangerous and self-anhilating. I understood: even if I avoided and ignored a relationship, I was going to feel the merging in the astral even if and when a partner left the body-died.

I have been reading Judith Orloff’s book recently again because she went through the Psychic Pain. The pain of feeling, sensing, and otherwise experiencing the pain of others caused her to avoid and ignore her Psychic Senses in high school. I did that same. I was on a quest to anhilate the Psychic Pain. But I fell in Love. Love healed me to the point that I had a Reason to Live. I knew that Love was the Cure. I did not know that I could be in love again but I knew that it was imperitive that I Opened my Heart to Love. After losing the Love of my Life, losing Mala as a human being, Being in Love with other Soul Mates and a few Soul Flames, I found myself letting go of the Psychic Pain of Being in Love again in 2014.

In May 2014, I opened my Heart again. And, the Psychic Pain felt like my entire body was in fire, for months. For several months, I felt burining pain the degree I could not sleep. I saw White Light whenever I closed my eyes. I could not dream except a few times. I was triggered to experience deep core soul memories of pain by meeting a few soul mates. At a certain point, I had meditated to the point where I merely felt burning pain in my heart. Then, I met another potential partner. I had begun to share the depths of my self as a Psychic. Yet, I felt her response was intelligent, emotionally intelligent and intuitive but I felt that she could not understand the Psychic Pain I was sensing from her own Psychic Pain. I was feeling and sensing the Psychic Pain she was carrying. I felt she was hiding it from me and the world. I felt that she could not discuss her Psychic Pain because it seemed that she couild not understand mine. That triggered me to the Core of Psychic Pain. I could not handle the intensity of the Psychic Pain.

I had been meditating on how to communicate the deeper Core Psychic Pain with a potential partner before we met. Yet, the more I opened to the Psychic Pain to share it, the more I felt. I became oversensitive, overstimulated, overwhelmed. By the time we were beginning to discuss the issue of being intuitive, psychic and astral, both of us were not able to communicate through our own fear of seperation. The intense emotions welling in me caused me to let her know I could not handle communicating. I was doing the best I could to handle my Psychic Pain but it hit me like me like a Tsunami. I was under the waves and holding onto my breathing. All I could do was meditate on the Psychic Pain coming in waves into my heart.

As I was meditaing on healing my own Psychic Pain, I began to feel her Psychic Pain. And, over the course of weeks, I felt our Hearts merge in the Astral. Within two months, I dreamt about a past life. I did not know who the Chinese man was in my dreams. Her voice came through and said, “How do you feel me now?” I said, “I feel you inside me.” I woke up realizing that I had felt the full astral merge. I had understood that my astral being had been merging with hers in the Light. Although the Pscyhic Pain had shifted into feeling merged and blissful, I would feel periods of Psychic Pain in my heart. I felt that we were both healing in parallel. Our astral beings were merged and we were both healing our Hearts in the astral. Within a few months, I had a dream where she showed me her Psyhchic Pain of feeling misunderstood. I awoke and I knew. I understood.

We were sharing the same pain I had shared with Mala. We were sharing the Psychic Pain of feeling alone and isolated in feeling understood from the Core of our Souls. We both had shared enough for me to realize that we were sharing from our Core Soul Beings. She had pointed out that we were merging before I realized that it was happening. I was waiting for her to tell me what was happening because of my Psychic Pain. I was terrified that I would be abandoned and rejected for sensing her Pyschic Pain. I mean, I knew that I could feel her Psychic Pain but I did not think that she would understand me if I shared that with her. I was holding back from sharing what I was sensing and feeling about and from her. I felt when she became afraid of me abandoning and rejecting her. I felt the moment that we were both feeling the same fear. That same fear caused us both to retract, emotionally shit down at the same time. And, then we were not able to communicate. Yet, I knew what was happening yet could not break through my own emotional block from communication.

Since that time, I began to work through breaking through my emotional patterns of emotional withholding. I have been moving through breaking all emotional patterns of not being able to verbalize my fear of being criticised, judged and being feared for being Psychic. I am extending my sense of being in fear of being misunderstood for being Psychic. The divide of being able to explain things to a partner is a steeper ravine. Being able to tell a partner that I can and do experience not only visions of the past or the future or of deceased loved ones but that I also experience being those other beings. I can experience the entire lifetime of another astral being.-dead or alive. I can experience memories being formed by a partner. In other words, I can sense and feel where she is at another location, what she might feel, think, say or do. I can experience a partner as Another Myself.

I had meditated asking my Light Being to guide me to the Other Myself, my Twin Flame on and off since I was in college when I was in my twenties. However, I did not know what I know now. I had to experience several Soul Mates and a few Soul Flames. I had to understand the depth of the experiences of astral merging, sharing mutual dreams, sharing astral experiences. I had to fine tune my awareness and understanding being finely attuned to my partner’s awareness. I had to open my Heart to merging entirely, ongoing, comitted to continuing to cross the division between Self and Other. And, that means accepting, acknolwedging and experiencing the Psychic Pain of the Beloved. It meansing being able to continue to express Love, opening to deeper Love, and sharing the depth of Our Hearts as a Couple, Equal and Together.

The Psychic Pain of fear of seperation from feeling sensed, felt, heard, witnessed, understood is immense. To accept that we can be sensed from an extrasensory sensory experience of being merged in the astral is an immense self-acknowledgement of our sensience as beings created by the Source. It means, we are One with God, Great Spirit, the Cosmos. Overcoming the fear of seperation from the Beloved opens us to become One between Self and Other and God. This is a very super sensitive experience is the greatest bliss and yet between moments of bliss, there are moments of terror of loss. That is what caused the end of my first relationship within the year of merging in the Light. It caused me to avoid a relationship which ended in a suicide. And, it has been causing me to be single since 2014. Yet, I know that I have been merged in the astral and in the Light. I know that I will cross the divide at some point in time and space. It will happen. I wil get beyond the divisions of time and space.

It is happening. It is happening because I am casting of the fear of exposing my raw fear of acknowledging my PyschicPain-my fear of being misunderstood for what I sense and feel as real. Being understood by a partner, knowing that my partner is not only tuned into me but also in sychronization with me in the astral, heart, body, mind and soul is the ultimate intimacy. There is no other intimacy other than merging into the Light. And, that I have done and that will happen again as it is my destiny. I know the stages and process of merging. I understand.

Every time I am sharing my experiences of being Psychic, I am crossing the divide. At some point, I will feel understood from the Core of my Soul. And, then I will be in relationship with my final partner. I will know by sensing the reality of extrasensory experience of merging. I understand.

In sharing, you may understand.

Namaste,

J.