I have been loved, revered, respected, honored and yet like everyone else, I wanted a life with family and close friends. I keep my friends close to my heart. I enjoy heart to heart relationships. Yet, still what it feels like to be enigmatic not matter how well I can explain my sense of being both human and non-human in spirit has been a constant wound.
Over the last few years, I began to accept that most of what I say is misunderstood. Even though I have been told that women want to understand me. They want to know what I mean. It is a stretch of their imagination that what I say I experience as real seems unreal.
Meanwhile, I am drawn ever more deeper into what seems to be a never never land, realms of beings who are waiting for me to open the portals to the land of the living. And, yet, I feel torn in half between two worlds. And, I try, and try to explain it in so many ways, being so clear, so precise I am slicing through misunderstanding cutting through ice.
To all my friends, divided by following me through the adventure, a journey where we become strangers in a strange land called our homelands, I am breaking every boundary inside of myself to reach across the spectrum of existence. Love itself has strewn pieces of my heart around the world like Osiris waiting for Isis to piece me together.
Those who love my heart and soul will cross the bridge and give me that strength to carry the torch. If you had not, I do not know how I would, how I could bare it. I might waft into the ethers and dissolve into the astral light. Though I am good, I have felt my impending death, another death of who I have been, overwhelmed by who I have become and will later becoming.
It is as if I have stretched my soul across the sky and feel every one and thing at once. It is not the same as dissolving into light where I feel the peace of all is one. This is a stretch of my human heart. Feeling as if there is eternity from within my body sensing all those I love.
What it feels to love so much to be a leader, a visionary, opening to visions of the dreaming world of needed guidance to the light and love and creation. All it means is the power of passion and love driven by a means to an end, coming home.
I did not want to do this alone. I feel like a sacrificial lamb, opening my soul to bare the truth of nature. I am the divine, divining my immortal soul to shatter the barriers of perception. Not alone, never alone but always on this path of deathing my self to rebirth my soul.
I am mostly beyond the physical pain. All the pain is emotional. Attachment to all that has been, all that has never been, all that may be and all that may never be. As powerful as it is to be alive and free to sense and feel through the depths of my soul, I still long for the One.
I have let go, once again to the desire driving me to feel this void. And, yet I cannot alleviate the void. I can merely sense it, accept and acknowledge the existence of a void yet to be fulfilled. Sometimes, I feel the whole of the self, as complete as I can ever be. As my heart expands while I am centered, I feel this need to feel my other half of my soul. Even though I myself may not believe the beliefs others believe, I feel the desire as deep from the core of my soul.
I still feel the desire for the other half of my soul.
J.
Yoga means Yoke, Union. Union between self with Source; Union in Heart, Thought, Deed; Union between Mind, Body, Soul, Spirit–mental, emotional, physical, sexual, spiritual. Surrendering Self to Source is our Yoga. Love is Yoga. Light is Yoga.
All That Is is Yoga.
For decades, I maintained my private life wherein I experienced amazing spiritual experiences within intimate, romantic relationship. I had planned to release my knowledge when I was an elder, beyond range of feeling a need to protect my intimate privacy. However, it became clear: spiritual practitioners around the world would benefit from sharing my knowledge of Being in Love while experiencing Being Light.
It began as a realization that I needed to bridge toe gap between my spiritual practice, experience and knowledge with my own relation status. I felt I had reached the end of karmic soul relationship. Yet, being amongst other spiritual people, I was not romantically attracted. I began to explore the divide inside my self-my soul.
My process of opening to the Light, asking to be guided opened me to discover the depths of my soul, emotional patterns and blocks, mental patterns and limits of perception to realize the meaning of love in all my variations of compassion and passion.
My experiences of opening Heart Light to expand my sense of self beyond boundary, opened to feel safe, secure and trust my process of sharing the Light Lessons of my Soul.
My Luminous Light Being, beyond space and time is Omniscient and Omnipresent. As a Being of Light, my experience of being is not bound but infinitely bound in a Luminous Light. It feels like a contradiction to be Light and be Human. Yet, the Continuum of Perception is non-linear. We are Both and Neither in a momentary lapse of becoming. At one moment we sense separation. At another, we sense union. As we stop our thoughts, we may glimpse the rhythm of movement-energy.
To Awaken to Being is Natural. It is Eternal and Eternally our Sacred Union with Source. Soul mates, Soul Flames, Twin Flames are all variations of the Source reflecting Source. Soul mates are primarily working on being human. Soul Flames are primarily Awakening Each Other. Twin Flames are partial Awakened.
I believe a Soul mate couple can move through stages of Awakening. But such a couple are born Advanced. Civilization has not allowed Awakened beings to feel and live safely due to thousands of years of Holy Ears. Awakened Children would be exterminated at young ages. Very few tribal groups retained their Ancestral Light Knowledge. If those, there are blood lineages on every continent. Over the last hundred years, emissaries from blood lineages engaged in seeking each other in sacred and secret ceremonies and rituals. Our modern movement of Light Beings has been an underground movement until we reached world Mass Awareness. The alignment of ancestral, mystical and metaphysical teachings is allowing is to bridge the Light Realms of our Luminous Beings with our Human nature.
In order to bridge this gap, between our ancestral heritage as Beings of Light, we must accept the spiritual communion in All Our Relations. The Profane must become Sacred. Union of Light and Dark, the awareness of Yin Yang.
The four ancient meanings of Yin Yang: we are eternal opposites; we are eternally becoming our opposite; our opposite resides within us; our opposites eternally transform us. Our relationships continue to transform us, evolving and revolving, never separating us from Source. Our process we are Yoked to Yin Yang is called Yoga.
Namaste
I was born in the Summer of Love, the beginning of the Sexual Revolution, the Hippie Movement. I was the first child to be born amongst my parent’s high school friends. I was passed around the circles of youth, young lovers in love with life. It was an historic and amazing childhood with models of love, compassion and passion. I will emphasize passion. As passion was the way to love back in the days when love became a path to Source, God.
My role modeling was quite open and free. My father was the center of female attention and attraction. His friends were in awe of his image of Eros, God of Love and Passion. I was the Love Child. It was as if I was a toy, a baby doll. I felt loved by all of my parent’s friends. I am not even mentioning that I was passed around the teenagers in both my mother and father’s family. I was raised by a village.
However, the Free Love Movement I saw was one where I grew up with a single mother in neighborhoods of single mothers. As children, we all knew that our fathers were out and about with other men. Yet, that was only half the story of the Sexual Revolution. Several mothers had children from several fathers. Some mothers were accepting gifts and money from the sailors in our harbor during the Vietnam Era and well into the eighties. I was raised in a realm of Sex, Drugs, Rock and Roll and Soul–the international party central scenery of San Francisco Bay Area. The well known Sexual Power Houses of my parents’ generation knew each other and some of them went to high school with my parents. For instance, the Mayor across on one side of the bay was a former Madame. The San Francisco club owner Carol Doda opened an infamous stripper joint. I could go on and on.
Sex was the theme of my childhood parental models. Both of my parents had that magnetism, that extra fire. My father had women chasing all through high school. Year books of his siblings are filled with statements like, “I really enjoyed the year with you. Can you introduce me to your brother J.?” That was the pond my father swam as the fish followed him. He never had to do anything but wait for a bite, a nibble and it was a done deal.
My mother had stalkers. One time, a stalker was in our backyard outside the window. He had been watching my mother dress. That is when we got our one and only dog. A friend, a Police Officer gave us a puppy from a Police Dog’s litter. Although, we did not keep the dog after a year. He had been so protective that he had jumped through a window to get to someone who entered our house. My mother suspect that to be my father at that time. No one knows. But our dog became a liability. In this atmosphere, I had been trained in martial arts to protect myself walking to and from school.
I had a newspaper route, the earn some income for the things I wanted to buy on my own. On my bicycle loaded down with newspapers, I had pimps following me in the mornings. At the young age of thirteen, I was being solicited for sex on my route or to school and back. My sex education began as a child. Sex was spoken about in every day common language, not crude or profane. I was taught and trained to spot perverts, like the men who would park next to the bus stop while masturbating so kids could see them in their car. A walk through the park in my hometown could be good day for a child molester, rapist or pimp. Kids had to know what was going on to be safe. We had to know how to tell and who to tell.
The women were so sexual and seductive. This is one of the aspects I paid intense attention as did all the other girls who were aware of sexuality and learning about sexual prowess. Today, we are inundated with sexual images throughout the media. In those days, it was on the streets, in homes, at parties. Sex was never hidden. It was all out front in the open. Even my friends talked about the world around as we figured out how the world worked. Teen pregnancy was a main issue that the adults around me discussed with me, family and friends. As we entered teen years, we were on the watch. My family made it clear that I was being monitored though I was given freedom to roam. Roam the entire city my friends and did. We also knew we had to roam in groups for protection, to protect each other.
In that atmosphere of intense awareness of teen pregnancy, prostitution, rape and sexual freedom it was a wonder to me that I ever discovered the path to love. Sex was the ideal. I viewed monogamy as an old school tether to outmoded religious ideals. Not until I found myself within a relationship filled with intimacy, mutual dreams, shared memories and felt my soul merging with my partner moving through experiencing spiritual awakening and understanding that the meaning of life was derived from relationship did I begin the journey to understand my self, my soul, the Light, Source and God through love.
All of my breakthroughs in the opening to the experience of Light has been on my path of Love. I was always trying to understand my soul and the world. Yet, I would never have discovered the Light if not for Love.
Some people find the Light at the end of the tunnel through Near Death Experiences. I had done that and only wanted to die as much as I loved and felt loved. Nothing was as important to me than getting back to the Light. Yet, when I became addicted to sex, I became addicted to passion. The fire opened my Light. I was guided on a path of pure passion which led me to pure love.
For me, the Soul Flame path has been one long path of opening my heart to passion and love, again and again. I have given all that I am and have been on the way to releasing my heart and soul to the fire within relationship. The Twin Flame path is the end of the journey. I know all that I need to know about compassion, passion-the spectrum of love, feelings, emotions, intimacy and commitment.
When I make that final commitment, I know in the depths, the core of my Heart Light, Soul and Being of Light that I have burned through the fires, the tests, the trials and passed through them while healing my wounds, doubts and fears. I trust my Heart Light and have faith in the Light, the Source. I know that I cannot be lead astray. I cannot harm or be harmed. I can only be guided to my final arrival in my journey through Love, Light and Source. My certainty of faith is the final surrender.
Namaste
Jedhi
When I was a child, my grandfather would often remind me, “Think with your heart honey.” It was a constant teaching. Due to that, it was easy for me to play sports and feel in the flow and play music in the flow. I was so fortunate that although I never thought about the word lesbian or gay or homosexual as a youth, I freely felt my heart and fell in love with my first partner. After that relationship, after more than six years, I fell apart. My world fell apart and my heart was broken. It took me some years to heal. At least I had a meditation practice and spiritual basis of experience. Before and after my first true love, I always had an inner voice guiding me. Yet, I did not always follow my inner voice. I often argued with my inner voice. I noticed when I did not follow my inner voice, bad things often happened vs. the good things.
While healing from a surgery and my break up, I began having life reviews and visions. I went through intense life reviews for some years. During times when I was seeing visions and hearing voices, I would also go through intense amounts of pain. I had come up with a super simple helpful and healing meditation practice: touch my heart with the palm of one hand and hold my heart. It sounds simple but the heart needs a feedback loop. I started sleeping with a cat to hold my heart space for years. That also worked. Holding a hand to the heart is the quickest means of connecting with one’s heart and it calms the heart.
I am bringing up an issue which is very confusing about the intelligence of the heart. The heart accesses all of the blood cells of the body. Memories are contained in the cells of the body. Body workers, Energy Body workers and other healers know this from experience. Scientists who have worked with memory know this. The DNA can actually hold mp3 music and be played back from DNA. A future technology will use DNA. As you can imagine, using DNA is an ethical issue yet as science does, it proves to us what is true and false. Our DNA holds memory. Our heart processes all the blood in our body. The blood in modern Medicine is considered the largest organ in our body. The blood is made in the bone marrow and then circulates throughout our body. The blood carries the stem cells which our body uses to heal our cells. In my grandfather’s ancient teachings which has been passed down from generation to generation in an unbroken bloodline, blood is where our spirit resides. I was trained to think with my heart from childhood as central teaching of being a family, clan, and tribal member-a member of a social group, society. Our heart connects us with those we love.
When the heart is activated, the heart releases the memory of the body, the memory of the soul. The memory emerges in dreams, visions, voices, other senses such as smell and touch. In my experience, when my heart is activated, I have to keep monitoring every sensation, emotion, feeling, memory, imaging, sounds, every bit of information I receive when my heart is in pain. Then, I meditate on those sensations and memories and sort out what they mean in the context of my entire life. However, one point I want to share is this: while being in heart pain, and while opening to the memories, I am in total confusion. I only know I am in the middle of my heart processing. I am sharing this because every one seems to be confused when they are attracted to another woman. Again and again, the confusion seems to lead to a lot of pain. And, if a woman does not realize her own processes, this process can become overwhelming, cause hiding, running and fear of intimacy. So, I am sharing my experience here as the clearest example of how to understand what it feels like when the heart is communicating deep core soul information and that when the heart is communicating, it feels like confusion until the confusion is cleared and the heart feels no pain. Words and sentences are not natural. There are not letters which form in nature. Our heart is the core of our Life Force. Our heart connects us all to the Greater Good, the All That Is, Oneness, the Source, God. In the ancient Egyptian Heiroglyphs the heart is weighed against a feather.
Namaste
Jedhi