Soul Mates, Twin Flames and other Flames… for Evolving Souls.
Jeeva Nadhi had thousands of desires and dreams to meet the sea one day
The sea encouraged Jeeva Nadhi to flow faster and stronger
The whispers of the sea echoed as a calling which gave her hopes and joy
Whatever happened how much the journey is going to be hard…Jeeva Nadhi didn’t want to stop
Never wanted to give up
She kept sacred the love and devotion that flows through her waters for the far away sea
Jeeva Nadhi needed to get embraced in the arms of the sea and let herself lost in beautiful waters of the sea for eternity
Alas..on a darkest day
the joyful Jeeva Nadhi lost the love of the sea
Sea became rough and stormy
And she realised that throughout her journey she had been chasing a mirage that pretended to be a sea that showed love for her
So all her hopes shattered
She couldn’t bear the heavy rains of pain
Her waters of tears overflowed
And finally Jeeva Nadhi dried and stopped her journey as she lost her jeeva (life) which used to be the sea
But one day a fountain will get its birth giving Jeeva Nadhi her spirit back
Beginning a new journey towards a destination of true pure and eternal love
This thing that you call “stalking” does not unnerve me. Fact is that I am aware of you being aware of me and that is normal for me. Time, space, nothing is an obstacle in my state of awareness. The “obsession” you referred to as my “belief” hit a core soul wound for me. I have always been addicted to my own death. I have always preferred being in the astral, out of body, tempting fate, experiencing death. Every partner has been challenged by my desire to demonstrate that I am Immortal. I was born onto the path. I have recalled, relived many past lives, many past deaths, tortures–being sacrificed, burned at the stakes, hung. As well as I have recalled my self as warrior-raping and slaying, having many wives. I had to go though Life Reviews, be given the Summary of my Lifetimes, given my Life Purpose and reason to live.
Always, traveling outside my body, accessing the Light, I had to face the facts. I was not going to be allowed to die. Meanwhile, one of my beloved soul mates was allowed to leap to her death, leaving me to feel misunderstood, forcing me to teach and become a Spiritual Teacher. My friends love me. My family loves me. I am well loved and have always been. Yes, girlfriends have hurt me, tried to even kill me-things like trying to run me over on the street. Same girlfriends, have loved me more than they could handle. It is painful to have soul memories which cause one to feel the need to obliterate the source of pain. I blocked one of my Xes a day ago. She went to my mother to ask me on her behalf me to unblock her. I was hurt that she has a guru she respects more than me as we went through astral realms together and I was pissed off that she does not get our soul relationship is more sacred than some guru. We have not even been partners for over twelve years, and I adore her partner as a very sweet hearted woman and soul. I was still hurt that she did not get that our soul relationship is sacred. I am not possessive but I do in fact, one of my traits, keep track of all the souls in my soul group, my soul family-dead and alive.
Beginning of May, I asked the Light to understand who you are as a soul to mine. I was shown a past life in Egypt. It dawned on me then that we could trigger each other from the core of our Light Beings. Either one of us could either consciously or unconsciously trigger each other. And, that it would be ultimately healing. Days later, I was shown a vision of Black Birds flying around your head. Being given these visions while in a previous romantic relationship, new visions I had yet to understand, I had been opening to the Black Birds. I had to understand what they meant. I did not know I was being warned about you doing harm ,or harm being done to you, or if it was about your soul knowledge. So, I was cautious and set the boundary intentionally. Knowing the power I wield, I had to be cautious about what effects we might trigger as it is hard to know who has harmed, wounded and/or killed whom when it comes to past lives.
I kept telling you that I did not think that you could understand me. Finally, you told me that you knew more than I thought you knew. Finally, I knew that I was not wrong in sensing and feeling my visions had given me enough information to understand the potential of your soul triggering mine. You said I made you feel ill, that you felt nothing, that we are not soul mates. I said, “I hear you.” I did understand that experience. I understood that you body and mind could be jolted from your or our soul memories. I was concerned that we both felt and feel safe.
On July 4th, your astral being told me, “I know you are guiding me.” I was elated and said, “I am guiding you up and down.” I meant, I am guiding you to leave your body and enter it at will. At that moment, I felt bliss and felt our beings merge as Light Beings. I know that your soul knows me, understands me, and that although you yourself or even me myself cannot vocalize this knowledge, it is a given.
Regardless of time and space, we are bound to the eternal Realms of Light Beings. Though we walk in the Shadows, hiding our true selves from all those around us who cannot see, hear or know our selves as Beings of Light, we are never the less Beings of Light. As such, I was shown who you are as a Light Being. I know the origin in this life, this Soul Cycle wherein we have been together. That posed questions for me to take great care in meditating on the meaning of your existence in this life to my existence. It has been very painful. As I had been seeking my Egyptian Queen, my counter-part as a Luminous Light Being. Your Light Being poised to be the potential end of the search caused me to heed your words whether to heal me or otherwise force me to release my wounds so that I could finally open my Heart Light and Soul to my final partner whomever she be, even if that means she is you. You forced me to let go of you. Yet, I know that letting go forces me to accept the boundless reality of love without expectation, beyond control, a total surrender to the mystery of creation-fear of the unknown and unknowable existence.
(The Gift – movie with Cate Blanchet, 2000.)
This is very much how I experience reality. Except, I actually talk to other people. I can prevent rapes and murders as well as save lives in other ways. I have been saving lives since I was in college. I was always psychic and had spirit guides since early childhood. I was injured in the military and had my near death experience under anesthesia for surgery. After that, I could no longer turn off my abilities. I had to learn to not only live with them but to aid,help and heal other souls, people. That is what I have been doing for tweny five years.
My first Near Death Experience was in 1969. My mother had a dream that I was killed in an automobile accident. While we were passengers in a car, my mother’s cousin driving, a drunk driver ran a red light. My mother recalled the dream instantly, broke my flight into the windshield. She sustained a coma for a few days, broke both legs, broke lumbar vertebra, cracker her forehead and almost died. I was out of body, watching the ambulance take my mother’s body out of the wreckage. I was told that I had to live so that my mother would have a reason to live. My mother was pregnant with my first sibling. He was born within a month later. Of course if my mother died, he would have died.
All of my childhood, I had spirit guides. My father’s father had introduced me to our ancestors when I was two years old. I had regular astral experiences and teachings. My first partner was also part Native American as I am. She had dreams with her mother and sister growing up. So, we had astral experiences with each other, including merging into the Light.
I have been astral and psychic my entire life. I recall choosing my mother in the sixties. I had and have regular visitations by people who have died. Many times, in my early twenties, I would be in a social situation and a deceased astral being would communicate through me. Often, I was saying things that did not make sense to me but made sense to someone else. I had to learn to handle this state of being. That meant, I had to meditate and handle being in control of my own mind, my thoughts as well as feelings and emotions. It was overwhelming to hear, see and feel spirits. Yet, learning to discipline my self and will power enabled me to handle my abilities throughout the rest of my adult life.
H0wever, because of being ultra sensitive, extrasensitive, I had always written in journals since high school. Though I do not keep those journals over time, I began typing them out to write books. I see visions which are color and three dimensional. I hear voices – male and female. In the astral, I have conversations with astral beings. I have been waking people up in the astral since I was in college. I began training groups in the mid-1990s.
I often say, as many psychics say, “It is a blessing and a curse.” Not everyone can handle the extrasensory experiences. Many people escape in many ways-drugs and religion even science. Keeping their minds busy, they avoid and ignore their own extrasensory senses. However, when I was a child my mother used to say, “If you do not pay attention and listen to your guidance, bad things will happen.” Sure enough, bad things happened. I almost tied more than once before I let go of avoiding and ignoring my guidance. I became a teacher because of the importance of extrasensory perception and experience is of great value, even actually our survival depends upon our senses and extrasensory senses. I would not be alive without them today. Neither would a lot of people, many I know as I have saved their lives whether they know it or not. I am not bragging. People need to learn that these gifts are real, valuable and can save lives.
Namaste,
Jedhi
The penultimate fear is fear of sharing power. Power can be measured in many ways and means. One person may have more mental power. One may have more emotional power. One may have more physical power. One may have more psychic power. One may have more sexual power. Both partners may actually have equal power in various areas of their selves. No matter who has more or less and even if both are equal in many measures of power, sharing power is an act of surrender of will power.
Much can be said and written about power of individuals. There is no lack of examples in relationship. Nearly any argument will be based on demonstrating power. Even the dating and mating game is an act of maneuvering with power to gain the attraction, confidence and commitment of a potential mate. Merely reminiscing on acts of gaining favor from a potential mate can bring up all kinds of memories whether from one’s own unique memory plus all memories gathered in childhood through to adulthood from all sources. The metaphor “the birds and the bees lecture” about sexual education can conjure up all kinds of animalistic rituals to seduce and gain favor of a mate. However when the mating pair is coupling or has coupled, there will be the ruminations of power plays that are embedded into our hearts, minds, psyche and soul. The surrender to the mate requires safety, security and trust. If one partner surrenders while the other has hidden agendas to control the relationship, there will be significant power struggles. If both cannot surrender, there will be no partnership. If both partners are willing and able to isolate power issues and negotiate total surrender to accept, acknowledge and balance the inequalities and equalities, both partners can gain from the power of the relationship as a partners.
The final solution, whether by legal or oral agreement and contract is marriage. Anyone can make an agreement to marry another given legal age of consent. Yet, Sacred Marriage is one in which both parties are c0-creating the most Sacred of Unions. Intimacy between two parties who are agreeing to share all the layers of their selves from hearts, minds, souls are committed to continually building intimacy no matter the circumstances which can arise from inside their own selves or outside their selves. Fear of commitment arises no matter the circumstances as all fears arise from the mere courting of a potential partner. If one party does not know s/he feels the desire for marriage when entering the relationship, s/he may hesitate. If the other partner knows s/he has entered relationship with the desire to marry yet does not express this to the other party, this may come as surprise. Not everyone is prepared to consider a lifetime commitment. It takes time and energy to get through the stages of getting to know one’s own self not to mention getting to the self of a partner.
Building intimacy also requires two people to discuss the potential outcome of a relationship. Are we building intimacy for eventual marriage? Are we testing intimacy in case we may want marriage? Are we thrown into marriage for reasons we have not chosen? Are we feeling pressured into marriage? What do I need and want? What does s/he need and want? Can we meet our mutual needs? What wants can we live without? What wants are we not willing to sacrifice? Partners need to feel free enough to ask each other probing questions about the meaning of marriage. Both parties can create individual lists of questions as well as be prepared to answer the questions from their partner. Making life easier vs harder makes relationship easier vs harder.
The more we as individuals and couples can create our own unique and not so unique lists of questions about our fears of intimacy in self-reflection and mutual shared reflections creates intimacy vs avoiding, ignoring, blocking intimacy. Troubleshooting one’s own self is a task. But actually two people can make games out of building intimacy and have more fun with each other. Otherwise we can fall in to pitfalls of self-delusions of who we are ourselves and illusions we have intimacy when we are role playing, acting out of scripts from movies we watched as children. The Learning About You Game can become part of the daily, weekly, monthly, yearly ritual. Even when you think you know every thing about your self or partner, there is much more to discover, uncover, examine and enjoy. Life can be an adventure with a partner who loves life and plays by the agreed upon rules both partners establish over the course of time.
Here is Part One and Part Two while this is the third part of a three part series. This series articulates a concise and precise bullet proof bullet point serious of subjects for singles dating with intention to marry and couples heading toward or even within a marriage. This always more to learn from and within one’s partnership. Unmasking, unveiling, revealing our hidden, secret, sacred selves within relationship with a partner is the ultimate intimacy between two persons in love – compassion and passion. May your journey into partnership be blessed and sacred.
Enjoy,
Jedhi
Relationship has two key words- relate and ship. These two terms express that there is more than one party. As much self-reflection we can do as individuals, we have our blinders on protecting our fears of abandonment, rejection, loss and other fears. These fears are held deep within our selves, our psyche, our hearts and souls. Protecting our hearts and souls is natural. All animals are self-protective. No organism survives in the wild without protecting itself in some capacity or another. Some animals have natural camouflage while others hide in the shade, dark places. Others have large teeth or horns or claws. The list goes on. The fact is that as we share our selves, we are going to reach the points where we are in fear of sharing our selves. These layers of self-protection are embedded into our survival mechanism. However, there are all kinds of memory patterns and traumas stored in our hearts, minds and soul. Understanding our emotional responses requires self-reflection on our own memories and isolating our memory patterns.
Our memory patterns can cause us to react to situations which we feel as emotionally charged while others in the same position are not emotionally charged. Two people in a couple can have two separate and unique emotional responses to the same stimulus. The stimulus can be as simple as the smell or taste of a food, sense of touch, hearing certain sounds, seeing various colors or environmental scenery. The list goes on in countless sensory experiences of perceiving the world from both inside and outside our selves. These layers can be triggered in both positive and negative ways and means such as watching a movie and having an emotional response of anger, fear, sadness or laughing. One partner may be crying while one is laughing watching the same scenes of a film at a cinema theater. Creating safety and security includes allowing a partner to ask about questions in order to create intimacy to understand the similarities and differences of perception between partners. We cannot assume we know why our partner cries or laughs when we laugh or cry at the same scene we both are watching. The list of examples can on and on. Every time we are sharing our experiences of emotion is an opportunity to examine our own selves as well as learn more from our partners about their selves and communicate and build trust and intimacy.
Sometimes our previous experiences of feeling pain about love creates an illusion that love is the cause of pain. This illusion can become embedded due to various experiences from childhood onto adulthood. Some people have early childhood trauma which never leaves them. Some people have trauma later in life. There are infinite experiences of pain we can accumulate over the course of our lives. Our love lives also can accumulate painful traumas. It does not matter the actual memory if it is remembered as being attached to pain. Pain can be mental, emotional, psychic, physical, and also sexual. We cannot assume any one person’s pain is less than or greater than another person’s pain. The pain a person holds may be entirely unique and unexplainable to others. Yet, in a one to one relationship, emotions surface and whether we can pin point the cause of the emotions, we must learn to handle our emotions. The fact of this matter is that love opens us to feelings which triggers our emotions whether we understand our own selves or not. All we can do is allow our self and partner the freedom to express emotions without criticism and judgment. This is a point of mystery and unity. A partnership is based on partnering as a team effort. If we do not know, we need to agree to accept and acknowledge that we do not always need to know. At least as emotions surface, as long as we are safe and secure, we can build trust based on the team effort in co-creating trust.
Needless to say that some people have sexual trauma and have natural fear of sex. Yet, people who have no sexual trauma may also have fear of sex. It seems that they are merely afraid for no reason. Ultimately, sex is intimacy which renders partners vulnerable. Creating safety, security, trust are keys to breaking through fears of being vulnerable. Some people can have sex and not express emotions. Sex may be the key for those people to actually open to becoming more vulnerable to finally discuss their other fears verbally. If one partner expresses intimacy through sex while the other does not, a lot of talking is needed to create communication between the partners. If both partners are oriented towards sex a means of intimacy, they both will need to create safety, and security and trust from their sexual relation and build toward other forms of communication.
In some ways, this is much like romancing each other as they may need to express affection through ritualistic ways and means much like animals. If both partners are afraid of sex, both must learn to communicate by allowing each other to express emotions and co-create a ways and means of learning how to accept and acknowledge their own individual emotions as well as expressing their emotions freely with the partner. There is an endless list of reasons for one partner or both partners to feel fear of sex and both partners need to discuss the ways and means of researching, examining and sharing resources from sources of information to unlock their sexual emotional desires to handle their intimacy through sex.
Part One and Part Three are here while this is the second part of a three part series. There is more than enough to ponder upon between the issues of love and sex. Some people believe that love must come first. Some people believe that sex must come first. For certain, two people entering a relationship need to discuss their views on love and sex as well as the rules of engagement. There is plenty of resources both in print, film and internet media to discover more and more fun and exciting issues about love and sex which can be shared with one’s partner.
Enjoy,
Jedhi
“If I hadn’t learned from you about my ex from 30 years ago, I wouldn’t have tried again. Now I’ve wasted 30 years because there was no one to explain or guide. So many on the sites are broken and distraught because they don’t get where they are at and feel they have lost everything.” ~ Jed Heart anonymous member
Sacred Union Marriage Issues Checklist is a bullet proof bullet point list for troubleshooting intimacy issues in a partnership-any partnership between two consenting adults. If and when two consenting adults decide together to play out fantasies within the context of their intimacy, that is not covered here. Fantasy that is covered come from various sources including children’s fairy tales and other stories, television shows and movies, theater films and plays as well many other countless media sources. Role playing does not create emotional intimacy. Instead, role playing creates limits on individuals who have feelings and emotions. Creating a checklist of role playing characters each partner idolizes and seeks to act out as a means of acting romantic will open intimacy further. If and when both partners can communicate to each other about their internalized fantasies intimacy is able to seep through the role play characters and the real intimacy begins.
Beyond role playing, shedding off the layers of ideals is quite an amazing feat. There will be many layers of ideals that we can discover when we allow our partner to express what s/he feels, sees, hears as feedback. Ideals are very difficult to discern. We need to be able and willing to feel sacred, safe and secure to trust our partner to express our feelings and emotions freely. Our partner is more likely than not to point out our ideals as we tend to act and react emotionally in our relationship. Good starting points is writing a checklist of all the ways we say, “should”, “would”, “could”. It helps us in relationship if we can make troubleshooting intimacy as a game vs a means of being right vs wrong.
Mentioning right vs wrong, the need to be right is a sure sign of perfectionism. Yet, there are also many ways a person can demonstrate perfectionism. A checklist of needs vs wants can aid in troubleshooting perfectionist ideals. The exercise of feeling safe and secure enough to allow our partner to feel free to open her/his mind to associate layers of what s/he feels, thinks about what s/he expects to be perfect is ultra intimacy. This layer of expectation may be a very sensitive intimacy source of irritating agitating needs to feel loved. Consider a partner may have been expected to act towards others in certain ways as well as act to expect others to treat him/her in certain ways. Every person has unique expectations built from birth and childhood throughout adult relationships in all areas of life-family, school, work, religion, social, and other previous partners.
This article is part one of a three part series. At this point, it is enough to ponder fears of accepting and acknowledging our attractions and emotional responses to potential mates. Denial of our emotions can lead us to avoid, ignore and otherwise sabotage building intimacy at any point in a mutual attraction from before it manifests as a visible relationship or at any time between meeting to actually communicating, dating and oven well beyond into a marriage. Emotional hiding may occur at any time fear rears its head. Pondering fear will bring up enough memories of all ways and means we have felt embarrassed, humiliated, maybe even merely humbled. Shying away from sharing our feelings and opening our awareness to our emotions takes skill in self-flection and communication with others. Learning how to feel safety and security in order to feel we can trust others is not easy nor simple. It merely sounds good. In practice, it takes both courage and bravery to lose self-reflective self-consciousness and express our inner most hidden feelings and emotions with a potential partner or partner. Denial of emotions which are painful can cause all sorts of trust issues.
This is a point where Positive Thinking does not do the trick. It is self-examination, ruthless digging into the dungeons of our most hidden emotional laden memories which is the key to reveal our selves to our own selves and then to a partner. Sometimes, the potential partner or partner sees, hears and knows us better than we imagine as they are viewing our actions and reactions from the outside. It can obvious that we are denying our feelings and emotions. Of course that is in itself pain to become aware that we may not be able to hide from a potential mate. Yet, learning to accept and acknowledge our feelings and emotions even while we feel vulnerable is enough to break through our emotional patterns of hiding and denial. There is much to be pondered for one’s self and partner. A partnership will stall or a break up may occur if emotional withholding becomes habitual. If one party is not certain s/he can accept and acknowledge both parties are in relationship, whether discussed or not, it is time to create a list of questions starting with this one, “How do you feel about me and you?” or, “Are you thinking and feeling that we are heading into a relationship?” or, “Are we in a relationship?” A relationship may be happening or not happening depending on the intimacy both parties are able and willing to discuss about their definitions of relationship. No one needs or wants to feel s/he is off guard and in a relationship s/he has not agreed to enter as a partner. Sometimes, one or both parties merely need a check in to discuss their relationship basis and define their feelings and emotions more than they previously discussed. At some point, a relationship exists for both or it does not. And, this must be agreed upon by both consenting adults to accept and acknowledge that they are both in partnership in the relationship.
To be continued… Part Two, Part Three
Enjoy,
Jedhi
“Mindfulness teaches us the nature of the shadow. Heartfulness teaches us the nature of the light. Without these qualities in balance, we will evolve either eyeless in the darkness or blinded by the light. Unable in either case to perceive the subtle idiosyncrasies of mind or motion in the shimmering blur of our eagerness for more and our longing not to suffer. But to see straight ahead, one needs to embrace the shadow with the light. To put our world-weary and self-interested head on the shoulder of the divine, our suffering dissolving in tears as we embrace and are embraced by the Beloved. Light is self existent, shadow an interruption of the light by something seemingly solid. Investigating the seeming solidity of things, the shadow too dissolves, melts at the edge and disperses, disappearing into the present heart.”
Levine, Stephen. Embracing the Beloved: Relationship as a Path of Awakening (pp. 22-23). Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group.
I am not nor do not advocate Buddhism or any other organized form of Philosophy or Religion. However, I have appreciated the Levines since the 1990s. They have lived a life of love and shared their trials and tribulations as well as gleaning the essence of being available to true love from their hearts with each other and in their Death and Dying workshops.
I became interested in their work as leaders in the field of Awareness and Awakening Heart, Body and Mind with their tape cassette series To Love and Be Loved: The Difficult Yoga of Love* when they presented that series to the world. I went out and bought the same tape series for family and very close friends. I felt this authentic presentation of the nitty gritty intimacy from within their relationship was both professional and heart touching. I can admit that their recordings of their workshop on the Yoga of Love touched my heart forever. I have always been an advocate of their work in the field of relationships. My only caveat about the Levines is that I do not agree with their definition of Lucid Dreaming. For a more precise definition and experiential instruction, I advocate The Travel Guide to the Other Side for Gatekeepers of Death and Rebirth, Jodell Bumatay.
The Endless Heart – Relationship as Spiritual Healing (part 1)
1. Introduction
- 2. Relationship with Self
- 3. Dying Into Life
- 4. The Importance of Daily Practice
- 5. Ham & Eggs: Service Starts at Home
- 6. Forgiveness in Family Relationships
- 7. Grief and Unfinished Business
- 8. Opening the Heart
- 9. Learning to Love
The Endless Heart – Relationship as Spiritual Healing (part 2)
1. Take Tea With Fear
- 2. The Vessal is Already Broken
- 3. Precious Collaboration
- 4. Save The Box
- 5. Forgiveness Meditation
- 6. Allowing Forgiveness to Unfold
The Endless Heart – Relationship as Spiritual Healing (part 3)
1. Brahmachari and Monogamy
- 2. Short Term Contracts
- 3. Wedding Vows
- 4. Q&A – Forgiveness
- 5. Q&A – Parenting
- 6. Ending Poetry
*Description of the original To Love and Beloved audio series from Sounds True, Co. at Amazon:
Twenty years ago, two spiritual seekers met at a workshop about conscious dying. What happened next is the extraordinary foundation for To Love and Be Loved – a life-changing program about what it means to be alive and in love. Together ever since that first day, Stephen and Ondrea Levine poured all of the wisdom, compassion, and courage they gained from their work with the suffering and grief stricken into the mystery of their own relationship. The result is a beautiful, unexpected unfolding, a teaching that transcends the anguish of existence to show us the way to God – through the darkest nights of our most intimate relationships.
In the rich and forbidding depths of our personal pain, the Levines teach, lies the essence of intimacy, not only with one another but with God. This is why true commitment requires us to “swim across the reservoir of each other’s grief”. Stephen and Ondrea lead you beyond psychological explanations and show how couples together can immerse themselves in the “ocean of compassion” – where you will discover how to face and overcome the fear that closes your heart and replace it with mercy: the key to creativity, freedom, and love.
Through honest, real-life sharing, To Love and Be Loved teaches you how to discover the greatest gift you can ever have: forgiveness – for yourself and your lover.
The Difficult Yoga of Relationship
Why are so few yogis and mystics committed to human partners? The Levines suggest that it’s because they haven’t recognized the profound value of so high a practice as the difficult yoga of partnership. Our intimate relationships, they teach, actually contain complete blueprints for spiritual realization. With exercises, meditations, and examples, they demonstrate how to decipher and use this priceless map. To Love and Be Loved brings you the crowning insights from these pioneering teachers.
A Tribute to Stephen Levine: 1937-2016
Debris of my heart
are shattered over my soul
They are sharper than thorns
Furious than a sword
Ahhhh…
My soul is whining
It echoes like a howl
The bleeding never stop
blood fills my lungs
It’s getting harder to breathe
No life inside
But I won’t let you die
My own…
I won’t let you die
Sometimes I feel
That my breath is so heavy
When it gets filled in my lungs
And when I exhale it in the air
It burns my upper lip
Feeling like I am a dragon
Who breathe out flames of fire
It is the moment that the warmth
Inside me gets released
I feel my heart’s getting colder
Colder than an ice berge
I need a breathe of fresh air
So warm and tender
That is strong enough
To melt my frozen heart
And embrace my heart and soul
With care and love
I know it’s only you can bring
Back my lost warmth
You are that warm breath
I need you to warm my heart and soul
until my last day
And on that day
I’ll release you as my last breath
Go in peace my warm breath
Dear Beloved,
I know you may not read this. However, I had a dream a few nights ago. You needed me to forgive. I meditated on that.
You may not understand why I felt how I felt. I literally have felt like I was Spiritually Raped by you. I know that feels harsh. I was hurt by your reaction to my dream when I yelled at you. I tried to tell you why that was so painful and vulnerable for me. I felt you could not understand why I felt so deeply about that.
I hit the core of what I feel it means for both of us. Your reaction to my anger was obviously to me your fear of anger because of your mother. I had that too until I faced it in relationships where I learned to handle my fear of both being angry and vulnerable to anger if the other. However, I had told you I have always protected my deepest heart felt truths. This where the betrayal began.
My Great Aunt dreamt a powerful baby witch would be born and told my mother before meeting my father. All my childhood, my mother berated me for being a witch. She emotionally tortured me, constantly telling me I was the Devil’s child. Being my Great Protected as much as she could, and my Grandfather guiding all my childhood, I had a spiritual path vs. had I not I would have committed suicide like many lost souls do.
When you immediately reacted that I was projecting I felt I could not trust you. I diligently have double, triple reality checked all my psychic experiences since I was a child. I stopped telling my mother things when I was five. I relied on spirit guides and my Great Aunt and Grandfather until I was taken to Marcy Calhoun at 16yo. She saved my life by grounding me. My first true love saved my soul for sharing and merging hers with me.
When you rejected the fact that 1) I was vulnerable, 2) I was sharing from my dreams, 3) my dreams with had been you and me as dense physical beings communicating, 4) you came to me before I knew you and later you shared your soul pain in a song, not to mention other dreams wherein I could not have known at all, 5) dismissing you had given me a message about you taking off and I was giving you feedback on my experience of you in the Dreamtime, 6) I felt you were rejecting me.
You said, I would lose you if I told you what to do. I was walking on eggshells not able to tell you all my psychic feedback because you would experience being told what to do. I said you would lose me but I was so pissed you may not have discerned my wording if you told me how I felt or think.
So I reacted with how I felt about how you reacted to me. I felt Spiritually Raped by your reactions to my deep dream intimacy with you. Not because I feel you do not love me but because I felt you needed to control my love for you. And I feel you must feel the same in reverse. Because you guarded your self from intimacy I need. For me, intimacy comes from deep within the dreams. If I do not connect in dreams and we cannot communicate, I feel disconnected. I felt you were isolating to disconnect because of pain coming through us both.
I meditated deeper to my core to be able to share why we hit this core wound. I felt you feeling me invalidating you while I was validating my self. You validated your self while guarding your self too. You guarded by needing unconditional love to safe guard you. I felt like you were using love, feeling love to mask your wounds. I felt if you could just stop hiding and face your fear of feeling your wounds with me, you could release deep core pain. I was guarding myself with knowledge so you would not be able to pull the wool over my face-my extrasensory senses of your being.
I was not letting you get away with not facing this deep core pain because it was driving you away from your power. I did not want you to hate me. But if all I could do was let you need to hate me to self-reflect that was the only choice you gave me.
In my self-reflection, I get we both were feeling Spiritually Raped because we had been guarding out hearts from the rejection and torment we both experienced from our own mothers. The closer we came to releasing this pain, the more we threw up subtle guards we both felt as rejection and abandonment.
I always am hurt when you feel, think or insinuate I cannot understand you. This wound you have exacerbates my wounds of proving I am who I am. Explaining my expanded awareness of extrasensory sensed perceptions as real, densely physically, emotionally experienced does not help you because it triggers you to guard your memories and emotions attached. Basically your response is to guard by deflecting or denying my extrasensory experiences with you is unreal, untrue, denying me validation of who I am to my self and you.
You said I was fighting my self but could not admit you were fighting your own self.
It really pissed me off when you said you would let me spin. I hold Light and vulnerability for you and everyone close to me. I do not let anyone spin unless I actually do not care. Someone has to prove they are unworthy of my heart to do that. Yet, you wanted my unconditional love when you had it already. I finally just pushed you away so you could spin and feel how you like that.
Yes, I opened the Spiritual Rape Wounds so everyone could process it with both of us. I Sacrificed Our Wound to Communal Healing. We are not alone. What we experienced everyone will eventually experience in intimacy. I have humble humility to release my vanity and needs to be accepted and acknowledged enough to openly shatter my self a reflections to share so others can reap the benefits of me jumping off my high horse and over the cliffs onto what seems like deep waters.
I told you I never have to say, “I love you.” again. Acts are greater than words. You will know when you feel you know.
Namaste,
Jedhi
I am do not feel the Wanting, Needing and Heart Pain. I had throat and heart pain this past week due to feeling the Pain of Separation. I have been in my Grieving Process. I was the one who brought up that We had to release the Intensity of Wanting and Needing of Merging. I had no intention of breaking up and separating. However, that is the outcome. I had felt that we needed to focus on our own home base to prepare for meeting. Living a world apart, I have to coordinate my income and living conditions to handle travel. I needed time and space to prepare my environment for change. She needed time and space to create the environment where she lives. It seemed to be too much as it was a constant anxiety not at all helped by the distance between our worlds. Every fear and doubt came up. I was typically opening and sharing as much as mine as possible so that there would be no hidden emotional signaling. That was also overstimulating and overwhelming for emotionally. She was not telling me her own issues. That was causing me fear that she had fear of intimacy and that I was going to arrive and trigger her to emotionally withdraw which could and most likely trigger me to emotionally withdraw. We had our first argument in March. We went through some days of breakup. Then we broke through the emotional barriers and opened up to vulnerability. That deepened our senses of commitment. I felt that we had crossed through to trust each other.
However, vulnerability was waxing and waning. Finally, the us Pull was creating a sense of distancing. And, the more I tried to point this in varieties of ways, including sharing deep core memories and belief systems which were breaking, the more she could not understand that I was sharing my Pain of Separation. Instead. Her reaction was to tidy up my messy emotions by telling me that I was Fighting Yourself (Myself). I had pointed out that she was also doing the same by trying to tell me that I am doing something wrong. We both did that actually, the pointing out what the other was doing to argue. So, we were pointing out what was causing us to argue and that became a cycle we were not able break, Merely, we could not just accept that we were seeing the same things and different things and not able to let it go. We were rotating around the Need to Be Heard. Both of felt this Need to Be Heard equally. Yet that Need to Be Heard is an issue that we both needed to release within our own selves. We both know, have regularly discussed that we both feel the same. That we both are sharing the same emotions and intentions. This Need to Be Heard is intense. It creates this Sense of Division which is actually and illusion. Even though she said I am Fighting Myself, and I was arguing with her explaining I am Vulnerable and In Fear of Losing Myself Within Her I know that she was right. Yet, she was not at all sharing her sense of Needing Space and Time as I was telling her she needed. She was denying that she Needed Space and Time for Freedom to do things without Needing and Wanting constant Merging into Union. And, when she broke with me, she told me she Needed Freedom… what I had been telling her for weeks but not intending to break up. So, that is the crux of the Union. I feel that the real issues are of Emotional Release of Old Emotional Blocking and Emotional Withdraw Patterns for both of US. Not just Me: Not just Her.
I am working on doing things that need to be done, complete projects, start projects which will be ongoing and accomplish some goals. Some things are super simple as cleaning and clearing areas of my house to prepare for me to be able to travel. Some are complex like redesigning my website after it crashed some years back. Of course, there are many tasks to do to keep my self completely busy. I could not do a lot of these when we were Needing and Wanting to be Together daily. The Daily Vortex of Needing and Wanting was driving us into obsessive and possessive behaviors. I had stopped quite a lot of social interaction. I have had to reset my daily routines to focus on my home base with intention to continue to be open for meeting all the changes I have worked toward to handle being away from home base and starting a new home base. The concept was that my home would by our second home base. And, we could travel when we were ready to handle that level of spiritual work in the world together.
For me, being ultra sensitive, I am often precognitive, seeing ahead and hearing voices giving me warnings and heads up. I say voices because I hear male and female voices. These are not the same voices. They are different. They have different messages. Some messages are not at all for me but for other people This is an issue that makes knowing what to do a challenge. I can hear a voice that is not so pleasant but a plea for help. Precognitive Dreams and Visions are troublesome to the One. She feels that she needs to make her own decisions. Me telling her a dream, she could not and would not accept that I was seeing and experiencing anything was real. She told me I am projecting. She is not like that. She would never do that. That was our first fight. I was furious. It takes a lifetime to continually test precognition against reality. I cannot have my own partner telling me I do not know what I am perceiving. That is like telling me that I do not know myself. I was adamant that is dangerous to my health and well being. At the Core Soul issue, I have experienced being Burned as a Witch. I had brought this up several times as I had felt called to travel to United Kingdom over 15 years ago. However, the Astral Dead are layers of Beings I can See, Hear and Feel. 
That experience is overloading to my body, mind, heart, nervous system. I knew for years that I would travel to United Kingdom but needed to feel safe and secure with the friends around me. I could not feel safe and secure with her if she is telling me that I am Projecting. I would never say that to her. I know that would undermine her own sense of self. Now, she feels that I am Burning Her at the Stake because I have been so open to share my feelings and emotions and presently, we are having a non-agreement.
We are Separate because she feels she cannot handle argument and fighting. I feel that we need to learn to handle each other’s Emotions and Emotional Responses. And, if that means there is an Emotional Drama, so be it. I am all for Emotional Release and Group Processing to support the shifts and changes we both need to heal. Neither of Us can actually be in a relationship with anyone given the Core Emotional and Soul issues we are processing. So, I am not feeling fear and doubt. I know We must both work through what We both triggered. With all the various drama, I am fine. I feel it is all a matter of processing and learning how to handle emotions in our relationship. I say Union. I am committed to Ultimate Union.
Yoga means Yoke, Union. Union between self with Source; Union in Heart, Thought, Deed; Union between Mind, Body, Soul, Spirit–mental, emotional, physical, sexual, spiritual. Surrendering Self to Source is our Yoga. Love is Yoga. Light is Yoga.
All That Is is Yoga.
For decades, I maintained my private life wherein I experienced amazing spiritual experiences within intimate, romantic relationship. I had planned to release my knowledge when I was an elder, beyond range of feeling a need to protect my intimate privacy. However, it became clear: spiritual practitioners around the world would benefit from sharing my knowledge of Being in Love while experiencing Being Light.
It began as a realization that I needed to bridge toe gap between my spiritual practice, experience and knowledge with my own relation status. I felt I had reached the end of karmic soul relationship. Yet, being amongst other spiritual people, I was not romantically attracted. I began to explore the divide inside my self-my soul.
My process of opening to the Light, asking to be guided opened me to discover the depths of my soul, emotional patterns and blocks, mental patterns and limits of perception to realize the meaning of love in all my variations of compassion and passion.
My experiences of opening Heart Light to expand my sense of self beyond boundary, opened to feel safe, secure and trust my process of sharing the Light Lessons of my Soul.
My Luminous Light Being, beyond space and time is Omniscient and Omnipresent. As a Being of Light, my experience of being is not bound but infinitely bound in a Luminous Light. It feels like a contradiction to be Light and be Human. Yet, the Continuum of Perception is non-linear. We are Both and Neither in a momentary lapse of becoming. At one moment we sense separation. At another, we sense union. As we stop our thoughts, we may glimpse the rhythm of movement-energy.
To Awaken to Being is Natural. It is Eternal and Eternally our Sacred Union with Source. Soul mates, Soul Flames, Twin Flames are all variations of the Source reflecting Source. Soul mates are primarily working on being human. Soul Flames are primarily Awakening Each Other. Twin Flames are partial Awakened.
I believe a Soul mate couple can move through stages of Awakening. But such a couple are born Advanced. Civilization has not allowed Awakened beings to feel and live safely due to thousands of years of Holy Ears. Awakened Children would be exterminated at young ages. Very few tribal groups retained their Ancestral Light Knowledge. If those, there are blood lineages on every continent. Over the last hundred years, emissaries from blood lineages engaged in seeking each other in sacred and secret ceremonies and rituals. Our modern movement of Light Beings has been an underground movement until we reached world Mass Awareness. The alignment of ancestral, mystical and metaphysical teachings is allowing is to bridge the Light Realms of our Luminous Beings with our Human nature.
In order to bridge this gap, between our ancestral heritage as Beings of Light, we must accept the spiritual communion in All Our Relations. The Profane must become Sacred. Union of Light and Dark, the awareness of Yin Yang.
The four ancient meanings of Yin Yang: we are eternal opposites; we are eternally becoming our opposite; our opposite resides within us; our opposites eternally transform us. Our relationships continue to transform us, evolving and revolving, never separating us from Source. Our process we are Yoked to Yin Yang is called Yoga.
Namaste
Being aware of our own heart pain, learning to become self-aware and self-reflective while we release heart pain for our own selves, we can prepare to hold our vulnerability while we are facing our fears and doubts with our partner. Many people on the spiritual path believe that they will at one point become perfect-perfected. The perfected state is being vulnerable while sensing, feeling, experiencing emotions in the presence of living life. While we are feeling our vulnerable sensory experiences of being alive, we can extend our awareness and compassion for self to the Beloved.
Our soul mates, soul flames and twin flames are not mere reflections of our being. As we arrive to the state of being aware of the Oneness of All That Is, breathing the same air that circulates through the cycle of becoming the breathe of the plants breathing out the breathe for all animals, the circulation of forms of water and earth recycling through nature, we become aware that we are not a thing but a state of being. Our beings are continuously sharing the least indivisble particles, the rays of the sun, moon and stars. We are in constant states of change, changing with the universe. Our relationships are also all moving through the sea of change with every being around us. In this movement, we are all One in Source.
Our hearts are the central fugal force from the Source. Sharing our hearts with the Beloved opens us to feeling, sensing, being vulnerable from the core of our beings. Our life force, our shared life forces become the central fugal force of the union of our beings-our love, our relationship, our partnership. Being vulnerable with our lover, our partner becomes a matter of co-creating with the forces of nature, the forces of life, manifesting within Source. This powerful union of life force, shared between two beings becoming and sensing One is an ultimate vulnerability. Everything we think, say, do effects the Beloved.
Every word, every breathe, every emotion, every sensory experience and expression become a charged event, a shared movement–shared energy. Being aware of our vulnerability within our hearts, souls and mind while being aware of the vulnuerability of our Beloved becomes a spiritual practice of holding vulnerability, holding the sacredness of our own heart sharing vulnerablity with our Beloved. This practice becomes a state of perfecting our own souls, releasing fears and doubts within our own hearts while allowing our lover, our partner, to release fears and doubts within their heart.
Our Twin Flame lover reveals the fire of our soul to us–deeper love, a deeper compassion, a deeper passion. The saying, “You cannot fight fire with fire” reveals a secret and sacred aknowledgement of the Twin Flame Union. If we place two candles in two parts of a room, the flames will hold their flame as a single flame. If we move the candles closer but not close enough for the flames to touch, the flames will become excited. Their sparks will jump as if to reach out to the other flame. Then, we bring the candles close enough to touch. The two flames will join and become One. The flames cannot fight their union. The force of fire, combustion, movement, energy unites the two flames into One. The meaning of the Twin Flame Union reveals to us that there is no seperation after the two flames become One. This Union is a Force of Nature. This is a natural state of being in a paired couple as lovers who have followed a path of Union with Source. This is our final count down to becoming One With All That is Is–Source.
Namaste
Jedhi
I was born in the Summer of Love, the beginning of the Sexual Revolution, the Hippie Movement. I was the first child to be born amongst my parent’s high school friends. I was passed around the circles of youth, young lovers in love with life. It was an historic and amazing childhood with models of love, compassion and passion. I will emphasize passion. As passion was the way to love back in the days when love became a path to Source, God.
My role modeling was quite open and free. My father was the center of female attention and attraction. His friends were in awe of his image of Eros, God of Love and Passion. I was the Love Child. It was as if I was a toy, a baby doll. I felt loved by all of my parent’s friends. I am not even mentioning that I was passed around the teenagers in both my mother and father’s family. I was raised by a village.
However, the Free Love Movement I saw was one where I grew up with a single mother in neighborhoods of single mothers. As children, we all knew that our fathers were out and about with other men. Yet, that was only half the story of the Sexual Revolution. Several mothers had children from several fathers. Some mothers were accepting gifts and money from the sailors in our harbor during the Vietnam Era and well into the eighties. I was raised in a realm of Sex, Drugs, Rock and Roll and Soul–the international party central scenery of San Francisco Bay Area. The well known Sexual Power Houses of my parents’ generation knew each other and some of them went to high school with my parents. For instance, the Mayor across on one side of the bay was a former Madame. The San Francisco club owner Carol Doda opened an infamous stripper joint. I could go on and on.
Sex was the theme of my childhood parental models. Both of my parents had that magnetism, that extra fire. My father had women chasing all through high school. Year books of his siblings are filled with statements like, “I really enjoyed the year with you. Can you introduce me to your brother J.?” That was the pond my father swam as the fish followed him. He never had to do anything but wait for a bite, a nibble and it was a done deal.
My mother had stalkers. One time, a stalker was in our backyard outside the window. He had been watching my mother dress. That is when we got our one and only dog. A friend, a Police Officer gave us a puppy from a Police Dog’s litter. Although, we did not keep the dog after a year. He had been so protective that he had jumped through a window to get to someone who entered our house. My mother suspect that to be my father at that time. No one knows. But our dog became a liability. In this atmosphere, I had been trained in martial arts to protect myself walking to and from school.
I had a newspaper route, the earn some income for the things I wanted to buy on my own. On my bicycle loaded down with newspapers, I had pimps following me in the mornings. At the young age of thirteen, I was being solicited for sex on my route or to school and back. My sex education began as a child. Sex was spoken about in every day common language, not crude or profane. I was taught and trained to spot perverts, like the men who would park next to the bus stop while masturbating so kids could see them in their car. A walk through the park in my hometown could be good day for a child molester, rapist or pimp. Kids had to know what was going on to be safe. We had to know how to tell and who to tell.
The women were so sexual and seductive. This is one of the aspects I paid intense attention as did all the other girls who were aware of sexuality and learning about sexual prowess. Today, we are inundated with sexual images throughout the media. In those days, it was on the streets, in homes, at parties. Sex was never hidden. It was all out front in the open. Even my friends talked about the world around as we figured out how the world worked. Teen pregnancy was a main issue that the adults around me discussed with me, family and friends. As we entered teen years, we were on the watch. My family made it clear that I was being monitored though I was given freedom to roam. Roam the entire city my friends and did. We also knew we had to roam in groups for protection, to protect each other.
In that atmosphere of intense awareness of teen pregnancy, prostitution, rape and sexual freedom it was a wonder to me that I ever discovered the path to love. Sex was the ideal. I viewed monogamy as an old school tether to outmoded religious ideals. Not until I found myself within a relationship filled with intimacy, mutual dreams, shared memories and felt my soul merging with my partner moving through experiencing spiritual awakening and understanding that the meaning of life was derived from relationship did I begin the journey to understand my self, my soul, the Light, Source and God through love.
All of my breakthroughs in the opening to the experience of Light has been on my path of Love. I was always trying to understand my soul and the world. Yet, I would never have discovered the Light if not for Love.
Some people find the Light at the end of the tunnel through Near Death Experiences. I had done that and only wanted to die as much as I loved and felt loved. Nothing was as important to me than getting back to the Light. Yet, when I became addicted to sex, I became addicted to passion. The fire opened my Light. I was guided on a path of pure passion which led me to pure love.
For me, the Soul Flame path has been one long path of opening my heart to passion and love, again and again. I have given all that I am and have been on the way to releasing my heart and soul to the fire within relationship. The Twin Flame path is the end of the journey. I know all that I need to know about compassion, passion-the spectrum of love, feelings, emotions, intimacy and commitment.
When I make that final commitment, I know in the depths, the core of my Heart Light, Soul and Being of Light that I have burned through the fires, the tests, the trials and passed through them while healing my wounds, doubts and fears. I trust my Heart Light and have faith in the Light, the Source. I know that I cannot be lead astray. I cannot harm or be harmed. I can only be guided to my final arrival in my journey through Love, Light and Source. My certainty of faith is the final surrender.
Namaste
Jedhi