Shadows We Sense

This thing that you call “stalking” does not unnerve me. Fact is that I am aware of you being aware of me and that is normal for me. Time, space, nothing is an obstacle in my state of awareness. The “obsession” you referred to as my “belief” hit a core soul wound for me. I have always been addicted to my own death. I have always preferred being in the astral, out of body, tempting fate, experiencing death. Every partner has been challenged by my desire to demonstrate that I am Immortal. I was born onto the path. I have recalled, relived many past lives, many past deaths, tortures–being sacrificed, burned at the stakes, hung. As well as I have recalled my self as warrior-raping and slaying, having many wives. I had to go though Life Reviews, be given the Summary of my Lifetimes, given my Life Purpose and reason to live.

Always, traveling outside my body, accessing the Light, I had to face the facts. I was not going to be allowed to die. Meanwhile, one of my beloved soul mates was allowed to leap to her death, leaving me to feel misunderstood, forcing me to teach and become a Spiritual Teacher. My friends love me. My family loves me. I am well loved and have always been. Yes, girlfriends have hurt me, tried to even kill me-things like trying to run me over on the street. Same girlfriends, have loved me more than they could handle. It is painful to have soul memories which cause one to feel the need to obliterate the source of pain. I blocked one of my Xes a day ago. She went to my mother to ask me on her behalf me to unblock her. I was hurt that she has a guru she respects more than me as we went through astral realms together and I was pissed off that she does not get our soul relationship is more sacred than some guru. We have not even been partners for over twelve years, and I adore her partner as a very sweet hearted woman and soul. I was still hurt that she did not get that our soul relationship is sacred. I am not possessive but I do in fact, one of my traits, keep track of all the souls in my soul group, my soul family-dead and alive.

Beginning of May, I asked the Light to understand who you are as a soul to mine. I was shown a past life in Egypt. It dawned on me then that we could trigger each other from the core of our Light Beings. Either one of us could either consciously or unconsciously trigger each other. And, that it would be ultimately healing. Days later, I was shown a vision of Black Birds flying around your head. Being given these visions while in a previous romantic relationship, new visions I had yet to understand, I had been opening to the Black Birds. I had to understand what they meant. I did not know I was being warned about you doing harm ,or harm being done to you, or if it was about your soul knowledge. So, I was cautious and set the boundary intentionally. Knowing the power I wield, I had to be cautious about what effects we might trigger as it is hard to know who has harmed, wounded and/or killed whom when it comes to past lives.

I kept telling you that I did not think that you could understand me. Finally, you told me that you knew more than I thought you knew. Finally, I knew that I was not wrong in sensing and feeling my visions had given me enough information to understand the potential of your soul triggering mine. You said I made you feel ill, that you felt nothing, that we are not soul mates. I said, “I hear you.” I did understand that experience. I understood that you body and mind could be jolted from your or our soul memories. I was concerned that we both felt and feel safe.

On July 4th, your astral being told me, “I know you are guiding me.” I was elated and said, “I am guiding you up and down.” I meant, I am guiding you to leave your body and enter it at will. At that moment, I felt bliss and felt our beings merge as Light Beings. I know that your soul knows me, understands me, and that although you yourself or even me myself cannot vocalize this knowledge, it is a given.

Regardless of time and space, we are bound to the eternal Realms of Light Beings. Though we walk in the Shadows, hiding our true selves from all those around us who cannot see, hear or know our selves as Beings of Light, we are never the less Beings of Light. As such, I was shown who you are as a Light Being. I know the origin in this life, this Soul Cycle wherein we have been together. That posed questions for me to take great care in meditating on the meaning of your existence in this life to my existence. It has been very painful. As I had been seeking my Egyptian Queen, my counter-part as a Luminous Light Being. Your Light Being poised to be the potential end of the search caused me to heed your words whether to heal me or otherwise force me to release my wounds so that I could finally open my Heart Light and Soul to my final partner whomever she be, even if that means she is you. You forced me to let go of you. Yet, I know that letting go forces me to accept the boundless reality of love without expectation, beyond control, a total surrender to the mystery of creation-fear of the unknown and unknowable existence.